"THE GOBFARTER " Part I

THE GOBFARTER…. Part I

It was a hot, windy, day in downtown Chatcargo.

An Air of expectancy hung in the air, people were nervous,there were whispers that members of the mob were planning a job,
plus, everyone knew that Welche_theGrape_fem was due out of the slammer,and she’d be lookin’ for payback.

The heavy, iron gate rolled back and welche_theGrape got her 1st look at freedom for 6 months.

Waiting across the road and waving, was her friend and informant Born_TheDumper_free, she’d come to collect her old friend on her tandom.

” Wheres the cadillac Dumper ? ” growled Welche, sounding like Bernard Mannings dad.

“Sh1T” muttered Dumper, ” well er ya see I err ‘ad a bit a trouble, and err needed the bucks ….Portaloo’s cost ya know grapey ….” she smarmed

“Lets go,” Welche hefted her large leg over the tandom….” and fill me in on whats goin down…”

In Merry’Fats’Moron’s dump of an Italian restaurant, Joke ‘gums’ pastIt and Orange_The_Mouth were having a meet.

” so Gums, watcha got for me ?” Orange watched Gums slurping the last of his greasy spagetti up, he’d win a guerning contest for sure.
Gums picked up his stained, food encrusted dentures off the filthy table and popped them back in his mouth.

” well Orange, its like this see … I got something that will bring Thick ‘The Bulge’ , Down fa sure…. I just need some putz to distribute these for me “

Gums passed Orange a brown envelope.
Orange slid out the photographs…. and cackled in delight.

” gums… it’s been a pleasure doin’ business with ya buddy…” she looked at the photos again,

“but what are all these funny lookin stains ? “

” nevermind about them… you just make sure they get into the hands of the self righteous Pr!cks at the ‘JC Bar room and Grill’….the Bulge is goin’ down !! “

Fats watched them leave, then took their plates and scraped any leftovers back in to the pan of bubbling sauce, wiped the plates with the elbow of his sweat stained shirt and put them back on the shelf.

Down on the south side of town, BLondie ‘Fingers’ Trombone and Clare ‘Vinny’ Downer, were making their way to an abandoned warehouse. They looked totally inconspicuous in heavy overcoats, trilby’s, spats and carrying Violin cases.

Once there, they opened up the violin cases, glancing around to make sure they were alone.

Vinnie produced a large checked rug and some paper plates, while fingers got out some prawn sandwiches and a bottle of sparkling apple juice.

“well this is lovely…its so nice to have a ‘catch up’ vinnie, tell me has the other business been sorted ? “

Vinnie smiled a lopsided smile and fingers wondered if she’d had more than an apple juice….

” yes its all sorted fingers , The Don is in for one elluva surprise at bedtime, Very ‘Impotent’ Peanut is sorting it all out.”

“Impo’s doing it ? Is that wise ? He does have a tendancy to get his jobbies mixed up …”

” Dont worry fingers, Ive promised him a coffee and some carrot cake, he’s dead keen… That Don will get whats coming to her …. nobody bans us and gets away with it ….”

That evening at the ‘JC Bar room and Grill’ Orange was mixing and circulating the photo’s, much gasping and ‘ewwwing’ could be heard, Orange was in her element, she’d never liked that Susie’TheFlasher’Q, and even less her pet poodle, lonnie’TheWig’.

Suddenley there was a commotion, Welche’TheGrape’ and her sidekicks, Borney The Dumper and Belowaverage’The Dud’… had entered the Bar.

Wb’s and kisses were flung insincerely across the room !!

” yes im back fans … ready to muscle in on any row going on … oi Dud , stop fawning over dumper and get me a drink.”

Netty ‘nits’ Curtains had an orgasm. The Red Team had more Muscle now, WelcheTheGrape could stop traffic with one look.

” ya shytesheepers… yu k und.. ya cn fok oof bich … wellie ere now n wll sort yu lyin shrepshagger f off ” yelled the dumper.

Welch rolled her eyes and said ” Dumps iggy her , dont bite, and anyway let me do the talking as you arent equipped “

Gums and Orange surveyed the fighting…. they werent happy, the B!tch Fight had totally stolen their thunder.

Not only where people welcoming susie The Flasher back, they were asking Thick ‘theBulge’ Slice to do portrait and glamour shots, and as the construction business was in fast decline, he took the opportunity and was raking it in.

Despite Oranges best efforts to re-new interest in the photo’s, by mentioning nude pics in every conversation going, people just were’nt that interested, and lonnie’thewig’ nearly tore her Max Factor dayglo foundation off her face.

Rose ‘TheDon’ pedalbin was tired, 43 gaggings and 6 month long ‘Hits’…. it took it out of a girl ….

She mounted the stairs wearily, sleep was needed, she stubbed out her Cuban cigar, kicked off her spats and pulled back her ‘My little Pony’ quilt….. then let out an unearthly scream ” ARRRGGGHHHHHHH…………..”

There lying in her bed was ….. Moooseys strap on Antlers !!!!!

Fingers and Vinny grinned……