-
Posts
-
Hi, so I thought I’d ask generally for some advice about my situation. I’m 30 years old and live with my partner in my own home. I have a good job and feel settled. I like the idea of starting my own family but my partner, who does like the idea says hes not ready yet and I have to respect that. The problem is I’ve been offered a really great new job which is great but will need a lot of commitment over the next few years and most of my time and energy. The rewards would be great but might put starting a family back several (possibly too many) years. If I stay where I am nothing will change but I will feel I’ve missed an amazing opportunity to progress in my career. If I take the position I’ve effectively put off having a family possibly even given up altogether on the chance. Looking for some general wisdom out there… anyone made a similar decision?
Weighing up the pros and cons. So why not just say fcuk the career and just have the baby? Why not just say to hell with kids and pursue a career you love instead? Why try to have the best of both worlds? Here’s why Because having a great career is the best and having babies is incredible and having both is amazing, and no I’m not kidding, not even a little bit.Choose both. Choose the career and choose the baby. Don’t put off one for the other. Choose both now and later and accept that you’ll be juggling for years no matter what you do. Even if you never have a career, you’re going to feel like you’re juggling. Parents juggle. Why not juggle things you love? Sure, you’ll have to work hard and make some sacrifices. Accept it and move forward. Looks like your man isn’t ready to commit? ask him why ?he may never want babies, ask now and don’t sit around waiting. You might need to dump him, that body clock it ticking……tick tock tick tock.
Hi Chat, your partner states he is not ready and so I would respect his views and take this new job opportunity and advance your own personal career for the time being. 30 is still fairly young and although that biological clock is still ticking, you do have time on your side for a few more years.
Alternatively if I was in your position though and assuming your partner is the same or similar age as you, I would be concerned that aged 30 + he is not ready to take the relationship to the next stage, especially if it is a long term relationship, have you asked him why he feels he is not ready for children? Unfortunately even if you take this new job in 3 years time your partner may not still be ready.
Are you really tempted by the new job, or is it a reaction to your partner reluctance to have children with you?
Hi, so I thought I’d ask generally for some advice about my situation. I’m 30 years old and live with my partner in my own home. I have a good job and feel settled. I like the idea of starting my own family but my partner, who does like the idea says hes not ready yet and I have to respect that. The problem is I’ve been offered a really great new job which is great but will need a lot of commitment over the next few years and most of my time and energy. The rewards would be great but might put starting a family back several (possibly too many) years. If I stay where I am nothing will change but I will feel I’ve missed an amazing opportunity to progress in my career. If I take the position I’ve effectively put off having a family possibly even given up altogether on the chance. Looking for some general wisdom out there… anyone made a similar decision?
Hi Chat
You’ve said you have a good job and you feel settled…yet you say after the offer of a new job “the problem is”…..if it only needs a lot of commitment for a few years….at the age of 30 now you will be 35 ish…plenty of time to start a family…if the rewards would be so great…imagine have that with a family….double great huh?…you’ve stated partner has been honest and says he’s not ready to start a family…..so you aren’t getting pregnant any time soon unless you leave him….seems to me there’s no decision to make
You’re not starting a family so peruse the career…..
Can anyone tell I have no patience here
He is 30+ and not ready for the responsibility?
Dump him.
He is 30+ and not ready for the responsibility? Dump him.
At least he’s honest – much prefer an honest bloke to someone who says let’s have a kid, then doesn’t stick around to bring it up
1 member liked this post.
Good advice from Sophia and Ms K. I have very little to add to what they say.
Chat11, it’s not the worst thing in the world if you don’t have children. Many women I know are childless. Swings and roundabouts.
But if you want children, then remember that while your body clock is ticking away (Sophia has such a delicate and sensitive way of putting this lol), a lot of women who pursue careers are now having children at 35+, some as late as 40. It’s more tiring, but you’re also more stable.
There is the problem of the guy. There are many reasons he may be reluctant to start a family – good or bad. It may be a good idea to set a pattern of having regular discussions with him. Buy that, I mean set a time for a coffee or drink out, talk honestly about your hopes and fears, and listen to one another.
Also – deciding to have kids is not the same as having them. You have to do something else as well. Er, yes, apart form that..reminder that many couples try a long time for kids. It’s not the end of the world to have IVF or even adopt.
The bad thing about kids is that they are a drain on energy, money and time. They are a great worry, and the worry doesn’t stop when they get to their teens!
They are very rewarding as well – a real challenge, emotionally wonderful, and when you find that the love of your life is having an affair, the alimony is much higher than not having kids.
Get involved in this discussion! Log in or register now to have your say!