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It seems to be a very spiritual entry from the Bulgarians this year. Combined with a wind machine, and lots of drumming we are soon transported into more of an electronica song, then into what can only be described as a North African style of chanting and drumming.
Not sure how to describe this song – is it a voodoo spell? I think they are chanting some kind of black magic, are they following the lead of Sweden by hypnotising us into voting for them?
Only time will tell.
Next up – Turkey
We have apparently been transported away from this planet and are now firmly located somewhere in outer space. Odd people walk around the stage and shake hands with each other, and also take it in turns to belt out a little song, in a different language each time.
A stereotypical frenchman comes on with a beret and striped top – comical for most of the audience but I doubt the French will approve. Definitely a ‘nil points’ from the French for this one.
The Romanian strategy seems to be to sing as many songs, in as many different languages, and in as many different styles as possible in order to appeal to the widest audience.
A clever idea – will it work?
Next up, Bulgaria!
Well here comes the band holding the hopes of the entire British nation on their shoulders.
The entire stadium seems to cringe as the song gets going, and we get to enjoy the men on stage offering us duty free and nuts.
The dancing is extremely impressive and reminiscent of a Thunderbirds action sequence. We are offered drinks, and you can just tell the entire audience would be more than happy to pass out from intoxication before the song ends.
We are also offered something to ‘suck on’ by one of the men, and also get to watch two ladies dressed in coloured lingerie sit and walk around the stage.
So bad, this song may just clinch it this year – who knows, eh?!
Next up – Romania
Robots dressed in foil signal the beginning of Ukraine’s entry.
The ‘leader’ is distinguishable from the rest of the space age teletubbies by a big star on his head.
The remaining band members have decided on gold foil to beautifully contrast with the singers.
Nobody has a clue what is going on, but the crazy dancing and jumping around continues unabated.
This is meant to be the favourite? If it wins I will eat my own fist.
Next up – UK
In front of a waterfall of what appears to be blood, we see the beginning of Serbia’s entry.
The singer, who I think is female, moves to the pool of blood at the foot of the waterfall and gives us her solo interpretation of whatever she is singing about.
A large group of women move around her, as they each massage each other and break into song at random intervals. If this is what Serbia’s people are like it is no wonder Yugoslavia ended in disaster.
The crowd cheers as the song ends, only for it to continue for a few more seconds.
Next up – Ukraine.
Germany give us their version of Frank Sinatra in German. Perhaps a little arrogant when you consider even the French gave up their language for the good of the competition.
EDIT – Hang on, he seems to have ended in English. Or was he singing in English all along? It was rather hard to tell!
Is Europe happy to be taken back to the 1950s? If so this song will do exceedingly well. Unfortunately I don’t think most of Europe will remember the 50s too fondly, which will be Germany’s downfall with this entry.
They will come middle of the final standings.
Next up – Serbia.
Confusingly called song number one, but in fact it is song number 15. But who cares? The set bursts into life with a monologue that sounds decidedly American.
They are promising to flash skin, and say they won’t let us down. Well currently they are very conservatively dressed – will the Russians rip off their costumes as a climax to the song?
You can tell the audience are thinking the same, unfortunately it seems like we will just have to settle with dealing with the singers’ requests to ‘put a cherry on my cake and taste my cherry pie’.
Oh-er indeed.
Russia are bound to do well this year with this entry – mark my words ;)
Next up – Germany!
Ah, at last a real gentleman enters Eurovision. Dressed in a suit with bow tie and carrying a rose, we can only suppose he is trying to win over the woman of his dreams.
Unfortunately the only person to appear is yet another two men in bowler hats with flowers. What are they after? It’s impossible to say but whatever it is, it’s in high demand as even more hatted men enter the stage and join in on the proceedings.
The audience doesn’t care one bit though, they are caught up in the moment and are happy to sway along and enjoy the sight of a large group of gentlemen doing their thing on the Helsinki stage.
Next up – Russia!
Well even the French decide to sing in English which surely must turn away the home fans and expats. Oh no hang on, they seem to be singing in Franglais which will be sure to please everyone.
Very clever by the French. Very clever indeed.
Richard O’ Brien seems to have been brought on board for the French entry and dressed all in pink. Is that a dead cat on his shoulder? That will not win the votes of the animal lovers.
The guitarist seems to be running on an imaginary treadmill. Impressive, but for some reason it doesn’t seem to add too much to the performance.
Unfortunately I think the French have had a real stinker this year. Apart from the clever use of Franglais, I think they have fallen flat on their faces. Nil points?
Next up – Latvia
Fire, energy, bass and enthusiasm greet us as Sweden’s entry gets going. Fortunately the lead signer displays his chest, presumably to prove he is actually a man, although the hair and make up would suggest otherwise.
The spinning spirals surrounding the act seem to mesmerise and hypnotise – is this a sneaky attempt by the Swedes to win by subliminal messaging?
The passion of the words forces the singer to rip off his shirt as we come to the climax of this entry.
This one must surely do well….
Next up, France!
But not before we get to ‘enjoy’ the stage managed dream of one Eurovision ‘fan’ who gets to present the show whilst most of Europe is fortunate to get to watch commercials instead.