Mary & Joseph return to the Nativity

In the Real World of JC Helen of France was sitting with Penny on a bale of hay where the Bolton Bomber Blonde was supposed to be giving birth.

Penny who was stroking her Charlie, looked at Helen, “Well I don’t know about you but I’ve proper had it with this nativity play, Sgt Salt has quit, the donkey’s gone barmy, doesn’t know it’s back end from its front, no one has seen the Bolton Bomber or ThinNoDiceNoIce, since last night and Alkiarse is driving everyone mad showing them his new leaf blower, which he wants to use on the Bolton’s lady garden.”

“Blooody donkey needs to be sectioned.” Before Helen could say anymore, a dreadful squawking noise erupted from the other side of the stage. Penny’s Charlie lifted all four legs up at once and vanished.

“Like a virgin, touched for the very first time.” Eve had the same amount of knowledge as Mariapizzeria, when it came to the nativity play, and hearing Bolton Blonde Bomber, had gone missing, was hoping to land the leading role as Mary. “Touched for the very first time…..OOPPPPHHHHHHH”.

Annetteknittingthecurtain had struck, the thick woollen curtain flattened Eve and to just make certain, Annette lobbed Merrygutbucket’s, homemade fruit cake down on top of her. Annette sniggered like muttley as Eve let out a squeal.

Miss Rose issued Annetteknittingthecurtain, a warning and tripped on Eve’s head in her rush to get to Annette before she started throwing the buckets of deep fried jacket potato crisps, Merrygutbucket had been making for the last week.

WhataJoke the antediluvian parsnip, had got the willies, Jimmydowopado, was getting more and more violent with his threats. WhataJoke was now hiding in the field camouflaged as a holy bush, he would sit it out until his antlers picked up enough signal for him to phone his mates at the air sea helicopter rescue centre. Just as he was wondering how his very best friend the Sultan of Brunei was doing, his thoughts were interrupted by a “thud, thud, thud, whack, thud, thud, thud, whack” noise. He adjusted a few sprigs of holly to get a better look but he couldn’t see anything.

“Thud, thud, whack, thud, thud, whack.” He could definitely hear something, “Aye if it’s that bluddy jimmydoapoo, I am going to phone my very best friend Gaddafi, he will sort him out.” He thought.. “THUD, THUD, WHACK, THUD, THUD, WHACK.” The noise was getting louder, WhataJoke did a little wee with fright, and closed his eyes hoping he would not feel a thing.

“THUD, THUD, WHACK, THUD, THUD WHACK.” All those afternoons spent sitting straddled on the back of her sofa with her jumping crop, watching Channel 4 Racing had finally paid off. ThinNoDiceNoIce was plodding as fast as he could “THUD, THUD” and the Bolton Blonde Bomber was whacking his backside. “Faster,” “Whack”, “Faster,””WHACK”. ThinNoDiceNoIce, stopped dead, right in front of the holly bush, sending the Bomber over his head and straight into the bush.

“That’s it, I’ve told you stop hitting me just cos you is having God’s love child don’t mean you can hit me.” Thin rubbed his red, raw, bottom and was trying to remember if he had any savlon left from when he damaged his fingers. “Don’t make you special.” Thin continued, “You should have just asked him to have the snip or use something.”

The Bolton bomber sat up on Whatajokes head and sniffed. “Don’t be daft, you can’t ask God to have the snip.”

Thin reached down and helped the Bomber up, standing on WhataJoke’s big belly with his metal toe cap work boots. “Well you should have just said No then, think of how many extensions I am going to have to build to support this son of God.”

Bolton bomber sniffed, she could smell wee and cabbages. “You can’t say no to God” Blonde smoothed her maternity frock back down past her girdle.

“Why not, bludy MinnieClaireMouse and Mariapizzeria did?” Thin was not letting her off that easily.

“Hmmmm” Blonde snorted. “They didn’t say no, they said not now, we still have three more boxes of wine to finish.”

Thin was being petulant.. “Still said no though didn’t they?!!!”

“Stop talking out of your bottom and get me back to Bethlehem, I have a full maternity suite waiting for me.” Bolton Blonde Bomber stood on Whatajoke’s big belly to hop back on her mount.

“THUD, THUD” Bomber lifted her arm “Don’t you dare whack me woman.”

“Hmmmmm will if I want, I am having the son of god” “THUD, THUD”

“I’m warning you woman”…………..
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