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    Divine’s Jazz Club London W.1.



    Hostess and Barstaff required

    Due to popular demand and inappropriate dress choice by the barmaids on opening night, we have two new vacancies for barmaids, and one for a hostess. Please apply forthwith, and preferably include a CV with photo.

    Must be able to speak English. Must adhere to dress code.

    Salary for barmaids = £50 per hour, plus big tips and perks.

    Salary for hostess = £100 per hour, plus tips and perks.


    Can I be a barmaid, please? I think I’d get more in tips than the hostess position.

    1 member liked this post.

    So you’re only in it for the money ? Have you experience of barwork ? and can you adhere to the dress code?



    I don’t have experience of bar work, but I can brew prison wine.

    1 member liked this post.

    Wherever did you learn that skill?


    Profile photo of Ge

    Ducks under door jam in 6 inch Jimmy Choo’s, adjusts full length, skin tight black chiffon ‘cocktail’ dress, scratches arse and shimmies over to bar. Whispers huskily to the good looking barman “is the guvnor about darling?”. Wanders over to the worn out old leather Chesterfield settee he points out, which creaks alarmingly as I sit on it and nervously taps Sovereign clad fingers as I wait in trepidation.

    1 member liked this post.

    Hello Ge, thanks for applying in person, would you like a drink? or a tea or a coffee?

    Are you interested in the hostess or barmaid position?



    Wherever did you learn that skill?

    A magazine, I believe. Not *true* prison wine, since I added dry commercial champagne yeast to a bottle of apple juice. I’d hazard the taste was pretty close, though.


    I’ve no idea what prison wine tastes like, I’d rather a nice cup of tea :)

    Are you ok about wearing a wig for the barmaids position?


    It seems Geri wasn’t such a serious applicant, after all. That’s a shame. I had big plans for her, despite being her being a Leeds Utd fan. I was anticipating the prospect of us working together.


    Maybe I need to increase the salary and perks ?


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