Sufficiently Baked

Food banks are generously giving out grub,  which have the nutritional value of my body being a temple. I’m fast and powerful with a razor sharp sense of humour, I jog 15 miles a day up n down my flipping stairs as I’m grounded because boris flipping said so. Anyway I have my married partner sufficiently baked so they can cook clean and basically tend to my every need. Yes that’s correct so I can sit on my big fat **** 

I have also had them bring the fridge freezer in the bedroom to keep my fine wines and exotic desserts accurately cooled.

My bedroom is the only place I feel safe in because I have bullet proof curtains and 22 inch steel bars on the windows.

This is a time of great happiness locking myself in like this.

WHY WONT THE SAMARITANS ANSWER THE PHONE TO ME GOD DAM 

I’m off before I embarrass myself any further.

Yours sincerely

*****