Two Cows!!

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows; you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some

milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one,

milks the other, and then throws the milk away…

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to

take harmonica lessons

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a

bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and

retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force

the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a

consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise

a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so

they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty

times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called

‘cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so

they live

for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don’t know where

they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn

you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting

cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking

them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine

productivity, and execute the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell

them that you have one. No-one believes you, so they bomb you and

invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you

are part of a Democracy….

WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very

attractive.

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty

good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The Government says you

have to buy a licence to milk them, but first you have to do a risk

assessment, which only the government Quango is allowed to carry

out. They charge you 5 times the cost of doing it. They find that

the three legged stool is a risk under health and safety. You have

to buy the EC approved 5 legged stool that is designed to support a

milk maid of up to 250 kilos. It is too heavy to carry. The stool

exceeds EC weight lifting limits for workers by 4 kilos, which just

happens to be the weight of the fifth leg. To shift the stool from

one cow to the other you therefore need a special (EC approved)

trolley. The new stool and trolley are so expensive that you have to

mortgage one of the cows to pay for them and pay for the mandatory

training course you must take to get your licence to milk the cows.

You sell your milk to the supermarket chain that pays you next to

nothing for it, and then they sell it to their customers for four

times what they paid you. Then they release a press statement about

how wonderful they are to support British Cows. The rest of the

world thinks your cows are mad but you and your cows know that it is

not true and Anyway the rest of the world, have no intention of

identifying and counting their mad cows so people in other countries

don’t know their cows are really, really barmy do they. You sell

your cows to a Polish Migrant worker and your farm to a Russian

‘investment bank’ and then you leave to buy a villa by the sea in a

country where it is sunny and the cost of milk is a tenth the cost

of milk at home. They don’t have a National Health Service…….but

you are so happy and relaxed your health improves and you live to be

a hundred!!