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    It was time for Father John’s Saturday night bath, and the
    young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water
    and towel just the way the old nun had instructed.

    Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father
    John’s nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told
    her to do, and pray.

    The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how
    the Saturday night bath had gone.

    “Oh, sister,” said the young nun dreamily, “I’ve been saved.”

    “Saved? And how did that come about?” asked the old nun.

    “Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked
    me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided
    my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord
    keeps the Key to Heaven.”

    “Did he now?” said the old nun evenly.

    Sister Magdalene continued, “And Father John said that if
    the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would
    be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace.

    And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock.”

    “Is that a fact?” said the old nun even more evenly.

    “At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to
    salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would
    soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good
    being saved.”

    “That wicked old bastard” said the old nun. “He told me it
    was Gabriel’s Horn, and I’ve been blowing it for 40 years

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