[jen_jen]

@tinks wrote:

To Tracy and McVicar

Hope you both have a great day X

Pssssst…don’t forget Su…

[jen_jen]

@danny2011 wrote:

is this the tracy wiv no teeth who drinks nd has had countless online relationships thats failed miserably plus supports utd nd goes in f1

no

[jen_jen]

Dear Mr Trawler,

I will forego the postal order however I flatly refuse to go Dutch, their insistence on wearing clogs and waving tulips around whilst impersonating windmills is, quite frankly, rather irritating and let’s not mention the smell of cheese that wafts around them…although it does explain why they feel the need to encase their cheeses in wax.

I much prefer Italian but as much as I love the scene in Lady and the Tramp, I must insist on my own bowl of spaghetti. If money is an issue then I will leave some of the pasta sauce at the bottom of the bowl for you to mop up with the free bread that they always provide.

I personally haven’t read 50 Shades, I hear it described as mummy porn which excludes me as I am not a mummy, yummy or otherwise. However my friends who are mummies have gone into so many raptures over the contents that I feel that I know it well enough to know that I am not one of those “ladies”…I use the term loosely here of course.

I am so glad that your friend has exonerated me, it seems the brown envelope found its way to its destination safely after all. I had my doubts, those diplomatic bags always seem to untrustworthy and the Zorgan Embassy was a new one on me. However the purple man made a lot of eye contact as he was reassuring me although I wasn’t quite sure where the middle one of the three was looking…I think he was admiring my ample assets.

With regards your Stannah, has it been serviced recently? The last one I was offered a ride on had an unfortunate issue with the braking at the top and seemed to move at a rather high speed, fortunately I had persuaded my 16th husband (sadly no longer with us) to test it for me first. It was suggested that I sue the very kind gentleman who had serviced it for me but I couldn’t, we had an understanding after all. I still have his details here somewhere when your Stannah is due its service.

Incidentally, do you have a will? And are you close to your family?

Yours increasingly fondly,

J x

[jen_jen]

P.S. “chocolate and jiggy”, I just wondered which part of the definition of jiggy you were applying

jig·gy [jig-ee]
adjective, jig·gi·er, jig·gi·est. Slang.
1.
nervous; active; excitedly energetic.
2.
wonderful and exciting, especially because stylish.

I can understand you getting nervous in my presence but can we leave the active and excitedly energetic at the door and instead focus on the wonderful and exciting (me) please? Stylishly of course.

(licks lips seductively at the thought of the chocolate…)

[jen_jen]

@angelbabe wrote:

My son and his girlfriend made me a nanny this morning
Congratulations to you both on the birth of you’re little boy

Tyler James
weight 7lb’s 8 oz

Congrats! :D

[jen_jen]

Dear Mr Trawler,

I have just read your appeal with some interest (with the emphasis on the word some, i.e. I looked up from my coffee momentarily).

It’s an interesting approach, asking for applications, but your indication of a willingness to accept pleading letters and bribes bemuse me; surely you should be the one offering such things when you consider the high quality of the women folk on the JC boards?

However I hate to see someone so disheartened so I’m submitting a token application so that you don’t feel too rejected.

Your description of yourself intrigues me and I wonder, do you have a recent photograph? I myself am a cross between Nigella Lawson, Dawn French, Ann Widdicombe and Cruella De Vil. People find my looks so unusual, some say striking, that I have agreed to a sitting for a portrait by renowned portrait painter Pablo Warhol over the next month. I shall be happy to provide a photocopy of said painting if you would send me a postal order to cover my costs.

I’m afraid I can’t provide testimonials as most of my previous valentines seem to have changed their mobiles since we shared such passionate times; I’m sure they’ll reply to my emails requesting their new phone numbers soon though…well, those whose emails haven’t been returned as invalid account anyway…which is most of them come to think of it.

Oh and I don’t plead, too unbecoming of a lady of my standing, 50 Shades of Grey might have suggested that us ladies like to but not this one. However if you would like to consider the pleasure of my cyber-company on Valentines Day then I would be open to the offer of such delights as chocolates, flowers, fine wine and dining and a foot massage would be lovely too…I think the verrucas and the fungal infection under my big toenail will have cleared up by then.

I think I’ve covered everything in your appeal and I do hope that the joy of receiving a reply from someone so sought after as myself has helped your self-esteem (I’m not sure why Interpol keep me under surveillance though, I have explained the circumstances of the deaths of my last 15 husbands, all such sad accidents for men so rich and young with everything to live for).

Should you have any further questions please do not hesitate to ask.
Kindest regards,
Jen

P.S. my approach to eating a Cadbury’s Flake is legendary…

[jen_jen]

Ooooooh is it Su’s birthday too?

Happy birthday Su xxxx

[jen_jen]

Happy birthday Tracy and McV xxxx

[jen_jen]

I don’t believe you – Pink

[jen_jen]

couldn’t see that one for looking! ](*,)

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