Fame Chaser, Dream Waster: Pats-The Lost Years.

One thing which particularly distinguishes Pats from the run-of-the-mill simpleton, is her struggle to overcome prejudice and adversity. Growing up in a Lancashire pit village, Pats found an early career in guiding pit ponies back from the coal-face, pulling their cargoes of Slag behind them. Yet, being an ugly child, Pats had to endure many difficult comments from the miners such as, “Eee by ‘eck! I’d d’rather ride Pongo the pit pony, than that pasty-faced, acne ridden mute”! These comments where delivered daily to a young pseudo-woman, whose self-confidence naturally suffered as a result.
Finding a fantastic career chance at Sayers the Bakers though, Pats moved into a field where women were more commonplace, as she microwaved pasties and managed to burn off her acne spots at the same time. The female staff at Sayers immediately recognised her as a brooding psychopathic thug though and, once again, friendship eluded her.
With the wages she’d saved from her bakery job, plus the money she’d managed to get from selling her uniform and hat in a Cash Converters shop after being sacked for being a mong, Pats managed to purchase a computer and find her first, and only, proper home on here.
So, with a face like a fried steak and less personality than air in a vacuum, Pats has found connections on the interweb which may just start to give her the life that decent people have so far denied her. Still grotesque and imbecilic, Pats needs our support as a “chat community”, so I’d therefore encourage anyone who can make it, or simply wants to laugh at a ming, to join us all at her local on Halloween for the charity poetry reading on her behalf. The working slogan is currently, “Pats is a Mong, not a Monster”! Please support the cause.