Back to School 4

Born Feral had been the first to scarper, she wasn’t hanging around for Miss LD to batter her. Out of breath from running the two miles to the nearest pub, she pushed open the door of the Saloon bar. As Born walked into the bar 15 men took one look at her, dropped their pints and ran screaming from the bar nearly knocking her over. When born finally made it to the bar, stepping carefully over the broken glass from the dropped pints, she realised she couldn’t order her favourite tipple of Irish cream because she couldn’t talk. She cursed Miss LD as she peeled off the horrible brown gimp mask that had been so forcefully thrust on her head. Finally she could talk, there was no one to talk to, the bar man had done a runner the same time as his customers, out of the back door and was now hiding in an industrial sized wheelie bin convinced his world was being invaded by zombies.

Maria_s made it through the door just as Born Feral, desperate for a drink was trying to lick up some of the dregs from the dropped beer. “Jeeze born how long have you been here to have made this much mess?”

Born stopped licking, she thought about explaining but then changed her mind, it was too complicated and went back to the beer.

Bolton Bomber Blonde was next through the door and took back custody of her tin hat. “Gawd a bit quiet in here init?”

Maria_s looked at Bolton Bomber to see if it was her that had said that, had to be no one else had come in. Blonde cleared her throat… “I meant awfully quiet in here the place appears vacuous!!”

Phew for a moment then Maria_s thought Bolton Bomber had been body snatched. “Well, no bar staff.” Maria_s lifted the flap and went behind the bar. The 2 mile run with the Bolton Bomber in hot pursuit had sobered her up, a feeling she wasn’t enjoying. She poured two large glasses of Pinot for her and Bolton Bomber and then poured a pint of Irish Cream for Born.

Blonde sniffed “Much rather have a cup of tea after that trauma.”

Maria_s went to take the glass away but Bolton Bomber was quicker. “No, no no would be rude not to drink it.” She downed it in one just as Minnie-Claire-Mouse walked through the door.

Maria_s topped up Bolton Bomber and grabbed another glass for Minnie-Claire, who was looking a bit strange. Minnie-Claire had a black tyre mark down the side of her face and her mouth looked wonkey. She was followed by kenty wenty who grabbed hold of Minnie-Claire and steered her towards the bar. “Come on now let me buy my newest besty westy friend a drink.” Claire had a glazed look about her but she seemed to be able to make her way to the bar with her new besty westy mate as support.

Maria_s grabbed another bottle from the cooler and dunked a bar towel in some water and passed it to the Bolton Bomber who tried rubbing the black tyre mark from the side of Minnie-Claire’s face.

The door opened again and Born Feral shuddered. “Please tell me it’s not Miss.”
Bolton Bomber Blonde snorted, she was in no hurry to bump in to Miss either.

With a huge sigh of relief Snugzz and Cat Lady walked in. They had made it to the pub but had missed all the action in the classroom. When Snugzz took up TinTin’s offer of test driving his latest sports car, neither Snugzzz or Cat Lady realised it was remote control and they had to walk behind a bright red toy car for 150 miles. On the plus side Cat lady was joyous at her new figure having lost 48 llbs in the trek. She couldn’t wait to go to her zumba class she was definitely wearing her purple hot pants and orange boob tube next.

Next through the door was Angel turned to dust and chele. Angel had managed to grab her copy of “All Brides are Nuts” and couldn’t wait to show Bolton Bomber Born the dress she had picked out for her wedding day. Bolton Bomber being a canny wee soul figured out she was on Angel turned to Dust, radar and made a quick exit to the ladies. She was closely followed by Chele, who had seen more wedding dresses in the last two years than any sane woman could stand, Minnie-Claire-Mouse, who wanted to be sick and Born Feral who didn’t want to be left alone in case Miss LD came in next.

That left Kenty Wenty who, having polished off half a bottle of pinot, along with Born’s pint of Irish Cream, decided in her drunken wisdom to re-live her wedding day.

By the time Minnie-Claire-Mouse had thrown up 14 bags of wine, Bolton Bomber Blonde had adjusted her girdle, tin hat and reapplied her red lipstick and Born Feral had been persuaded that Miss LD was no where to be seen and to come out of the loo, they ventured back into the bar.

There standing on a table was Angel turned to dust adorned in a bright green curtain that Kenty Wenty had snatched from the window and a bright red dot on the middle of her forehead. Chele having been pulled from the ladies, by kenty wenty, was receiving lessons in Indian love chants and Angel turned to dust was chanting something which sounded like “Iamcatpoo”. :twisted: :evil: :twisted: :evil: :twisted: