HAPPY CHRISTMAS FROM NIGERIA

Especially hello to my very close and excellent friend your Majesty the Queen whom I have admired for many a mile over the years.

I am desiring to wish you all a wealthy and fraternally good Christmas holiday and many happy hours of shoplifting as you get presents for all your many many children.

The ecomonic needs your support to grow and to give the noble Mr G Brown some more money which he needs badly to run the country.

I also wish to say a Christmas hello to my cousins Dido Mayue-Belezika and Ishiaba Kasonga who are live in Camden, North London. They tell me that they is hoping for a really big Christmas meal from your wonderfull and generous Queen, and then they will come back to Nigeria to see us in our humble village in 3 years time.

The women of my village are all cooking and cleaning ready for our Christmas feasting. We are eating lots of chicken this year – some of your women in the Great Britain eat lots of cock which is quite hard – but we prefer the softer white meat.

Also we are saving our fat cows for the evening. Nigerian men love fat cows in the evening and from my last great appeal we have had many British fat cows come here to see us. We also have a few fat pigs here too but they were come from your North of England where you have many fat pigs.

Thank you to all the people of your most wonderful island for sending us some of your fat pigs and cows.

Last of all we also like Father Christmas to come over us on Christmas eve. He has short black hair and no white beard as he is Nigerian and comes for us a lot. We like it when he comes and all the village women get very excited about this thing.

So we all here in Nigeria want to hope you have a white Christmas and that Father Christmas comes over you too.

Your good and excellent friend,