Lost The Plot

Jokecliffe was excited. He had buttered up ‘naive_new_chatter_f’ in pm and was about to get her into MSN and on cam.

He’d explained to her who all the regulars were, which ones were the JC whores, which were the lushes, which were in the coven, who had shagged who, who was gay, who was figid ( all the ones who didnt want to meet him) and he had explained that he was the only sincere bloke in there, she should trust him and nobody else.

He fired up his MSN and quickly stuck his David Hasslehoff cut out mask to his head, then turned on his cam.

Up popped a fairly normal looking woman in her 40’s who was squinting at her screen.

” Is that a David Hasslehoff mask your wearing Joker ? ”

” No lass, people often mistake me for The Hoff, it happens all the time” he said without moving his cardboard lips.

Naive_New_Chatter looked sceptical.

” so lass, what do you do ? I’m a pilot and I own a vast farm with 3000 acres of land and I stable 200 thoroughbreds and I write software for the M.o.D”

Naive_New_Chatter was still squinting at the screen.

” Is that a ladies blouse your wearing Joker ? It looks just like one my grandmother has ?”

Joke looked down at the stained nylon blouse, Dammit, he’d meant to put his WW2 pilots outfit on.

” Noooo lass, its a unisex kaftan as sported by David Beckham himself, I’m a very groovy kinda guy…”

Jokecliff sensed Naive_New_Chatters withdrawal…. things were not going as he’d hoped.

3 or 4 Bluebottles were buzzing around him and he absentmindedly swatted at one, inadvertantly knocking his cardboard mask off.

Naive_New_Chatter gasped audibly !!

Never before had she seen anyone who’s bottom lip touched their nose when they spoke, it was like a filthy sock puppet.

” Bugger it” muttered Joke, then, ” hang on, I’ll just go and pop me teef in ” he sprayed over the camera.

As The Joke stood up, the already horrified Naive_New_Chatter was treated to an eyeful of silver grey wiry pubes with the tip of a tiny penis poking through, then a boil covered bare arse as he hobbled off to look for his dentures.

Jokecliff found his dentures by the backdoor where he had used them to scrape the dog shlt off his gum boots, he popped them back in his mouth and hobbled back to the computer but Naive_New_Chatter had logged off and was now pouring herself a stiff brandy with shaking hands.
She’d have nightmares for weeks.

” God Dammit ” yelled The Joke. ”I’ll show her …. I’ll log in under different names and tell her what a skanky whore she is in pm”

He sadly added her name to the ever growing list of females who had rejected him.

Back to the drawing board.

The Joke logged on to JC and decided to give his adoring fans the benefit of his side splitting humour and naughty inuendoes.

How lucky are we ???

In the lobby everyone was in a jovial happy mood apart from Tina_mary_ethel_Etc_Chantel

” whats the matter with the men in here ? I said I’m open now !! Come on !! Ive not got all day !! ”

” pmsl she’s a bloody nut job ” said minnieLikesVinnie lighting her pipe and swigging out of a bottle of Blue Nun….

” oh ey up …. ‘eres Yorkshires prize winning gurner… hello Joker, hows ya gums lolol …. ?”

Thick_Slice was in a devilish mood.

” VIP, I heard you got lucky with Wild, you did better than Joker even she knocked him back ”

” careful Thinoccio” said VIP, ” as your nose grows your nob shrinks, yours must be invisible by now ”

Jokecliff spotted Italian_Female entering the lobby.

”Buongionio Bella ” he gushed.

looking Impressed Italian Woman asked ” parli italiano ?”

” si si no problemo…” he answered, quickly googling an italian translation site.

” Dove vieni ?”

At this point Joke got a bit flustered and copy and pasted ”il mio pisello sono verdi !!!”, which translated to

‘ My peas are green !!! ‘

Italian_Lady laughed and instantly put him on ignore, much to the hilarity of other chatters.

Alkiarse was flashing his coupons at Blonde in an attempt to impress her. Blonde spun on her 6 inch heeled Fukme boots and inadvertantly knocked alkiarse off his stool with her handbag, which contained a large brick.

Eddie_The_Wimp was sprawled out on the floor and Welchy_The_Grape was lashing him with a wet, rolled up newspaper, dressed in her Black Leather Dominatrix outfit…….

Yes everything was normal in the lobby.

In a desparate attempt to get some attention Jokecliff blurted out to the the next female to enter the room ….

” is that a mirror in your pants ? because i can see myself in them xxxxxxx lololololol xxxxxx hahahahahahaha ”

Nobody else laughed but several people threw up.

Jokecliff sloped off and cried in a corner of his bedsit,, it was all falling apart, he was being mocked, ridiculed and there was not a thing he could do about it.

What goes around comes around……..