~~~ Prawns and Pampers ~~~

@coathanger wrote:

Jokecliff sat in the doctors office, all the seats next to him empty, people preferring to stand, as far away as possible.

The receptionist, holding her hand over her nose and mouth, pointed to him then to the door of the Doctors office.
Jokecliff grunted and shuffled to the Doc’s office.
As soon as the door shut the receptionist ran into the waiting room spraying Febreeze as though her life depended on it, much to the releif of the other, watery eyed people waiting.

The Doctor took one glance at Jokes Pee dribble, stained, crusty, trousers and nearly gagged.

”What seems to be the problem ?” he said, eyes watering at the rancid stench coming from the Old Man sat opposite him.

” I’m up all night…. to the bucket.. and can only pee an eggcup full… then when i get back in me sacks, i’m still peein…”

” Prostate…” said the Doctor.

Jokecliff got up from the chair and lay flat on his back on the floor and repeated his symptons….

”No, Mr Joke… Prostate… not prostrate….” the Doctor rolled his eyes…

After further investigation the Doctor said, ” Well its very common with men in their 70’s and yes, you are correct, it can cause erectile dysfunction, how long did you say it was since you could manage an erection ? 20 yrs ? Hmmm… well, there is a chance you may re-gain some penile activity, but after 20yrs of frustration I think that may be down to other problems, psycological ones, more than likely.”

That was 2 months ago, Jokecliff was terrified that his prostate operation and not being able to get a stiffy would become known in the JC chatroom so he dropped a few hints that he was going abroad on holiday in his new caravanette to explain his absence whilst in hostpital.

He had only told the truth to his one and only friend ( for now ).

Upon his arrival at hostpital The Matron insisted that 2 orderlies gave the Old man a good scrubbing in the shower, they even had to cut off the cling- ons and crusty bits with shears.

While Jokecliff was away having his bottom invaded, RosePedalbin and her trusty poodle MoFo were planning a Brave New Era in JustChat.

Rose stirred her risotto whilst nibbling on a fig… ” MoFo, did you finish polishing the new guides ?”

MoFo panted and nodded her shaggy head.

” Excellent, then our andro-guides are ready to be introduced to JC tonight !! ”

MoFo blinked her big brown eyes and wuffed ” what about Very Impotent Peanut ? ” ( in poodle chat that only Rose could understand )

” I think it is an excellent idea MoFo. Nobody will believe he has been made a guide, which makes him a perfect choice !! , and besides,,, that £500 he …erm … donated to the cause will buy lots of lovely shcoll’s and some Bob Martin choc drops too… lets open the wine !!! ”

That night in her newly promoted role of ‘BloodyBigBoss’ Rosepedalbin Aka ForumHost LD and her loyal Foot Soldiers, led her new modern army into F3.

Immediately the regular chatters in F3 were guessing who they could be, some who liked to think they knew everything aired their views, by naming reg chatters who had been made guides, only to look rather stupid when the regular chatter then appeared.

Others could not hide their jealousy.

Moans of ” who’d want to be a guide anyway…. they are all saddo’s who love control..” were heard.
In truth though, it was these same chatters who had either been sacked as guides or had applied over and over again only to be rejected. FACT !
Others had a different view, yes they had complained there was never a guide round when needed, but they didnt like it when it was themselves who were reprimanded for instigating arguments.

Some were desparate for attention from the new guides, and turned nasty if they weren’t put on a pedestal they believed was their right.

Jokecliff returned from hospital, rather sore and walking a bit like John Wayne’s Horse, his piddling problem seemed to be a little better, but his heamorrhoids were far worse, he was sure that male nurse didnt need to give him enema’s 6 times a day, he’d need a wheelbarrow for them soon at this rate.

He still wasn’t sure whether his little pink prawn would work anymore but he had obtained a copy of DONKEYDICKS_R_US, and would have a ‘bash’ later.

He placed a rubber ring on his chair and sat down cautiously, then logged on to his Pc.

Jokecliff had prepared his speech’s about how lovely his holiday was when all his fans welcomed him back enthusiastically…

He entered F3.

Nobody noticed so he left and entered again.

Still Nobody noticed him , not even his latest ‘ friend’ Sarahpayne, who was arguing with Thick_Slice. Poor old sarahpayne, not blessed in the looks department, but far uglier inside, was jealous and bitter of anyone who seemed liked in F3. She tried so very hard to be girly and gushing, but after a drink her bile spilled forth and she vented abuse both in the room and in pm…. ” you fat, rancid, grey, ugly old slag…….. ” Thick_Slice was still trying to find his ‘Princess kenty’s, ‘pm abuser, he was indeed truly THICK !!

Jokecliff eyed all the new guides with venom. ” how had this happened….. he was unprepared, he didnt have a clue who they were, this was not good… That blasted LD, and her cronies…

Just then Jokecliff felt something warm and wet on his feet, why were his feet in a puddle ? he checked his crotch.. phew… dry for once.

In the room MoFo wagged her tail and grinned a doggy grin.

To make matters worse it would seem the regulars now knew about his prostate problems and permanently flaccid penis.

Minnie-Mouse kicked off the room ” oooooo ello gummy !!! i hear theres more chance a raising the titanic than your wee maggot … bless …. ”

Cath_Wales muttered, ” yea and id rather go down on the fkn Titanic than him lol ”

How could they know ??

Jokecliff glared at Sarahpayne…. ” hmmmm… would seem she ran with the Rats and the Roaches…. he’d not be giving her the benefit of his cyber semen in pm again …

No siree-bob…. ”

Well it looks like youv got the folkeys in here pegged.Very few posters in here i can suffer reading,rubes is honest and funny and intertaning,caff,love it when toybulldog posts.It was nice to seesomeone not being nice.Thin must be in total piss off mode he wont be abel to do anything with you which is always nice.The rest of the nice peeps wont be that impressed because after all there far too nice.The not so nice men wont say much incase the nice woman see them for what they are.This is going to be so interesting.Please dont listen to the nice bunch.

@rubyred wrote:

hiya moon.. and apologies to coathanger for the interupption. I have been accused of being coathanger on more than one occasion. its not me. You know me Moon, If i have a point I would say it in this name and be FAR more acerbic that the “coathanger” writer. .. suffice to say I enjoy some of the witterings they have had.

I do not see it as a form of Malice at all.. but then i have never been mentioned and some folks are kind of Private.

I Swear it is not me.. although id rather be accused of being a decent scribe than some Troll :)

as you were coathanger.. as you were x

I wouldent put it past you at all rubes,your just fit for something like this lol.Well who ever it is its a change to read on here.Makes a change from all the daft wifies posting about the men who have targeted em and the men crowing about the daft wifies theve shaggged off here anyways.Poor old thin thinks hes some casanova,hes onley a daft blirt who now and then gets it because hes frends with the likes of poli.So he cant be that nasty can he.lol

Dont answer that coat…. i have a feeling I know :D