Sgt Salt’s announcement

All the off duty Firemen in the Real World of JC had suddenly disappeared when they heard the explosion. They weren’t real firemen, they just thought the idea of a yellow helmet would appeal to the ladies so, MAX was left alone to eat his Jacket Potato amongst the dying embers of his house.

The Real World of JC had now been given the news they had all been eagerly anticipating. Sgt Salt, with his dreamy accent had announced who was going to be in the Nativity Play this year.

Helen of France was having smelling salts wafted under her nose by Penny. Helen had fainted the minute she heard she, along with Penny, had been given the job of directing the play, not through excitement but due to fear of having to control the JC rabble. The minute she came to Moonstruck, pranced around Helen with a tea towel on her head singing ….
“Mary’s boy child Jesus Christ was born on Christmas Day. And man will live for evermore, because of Christmas Day. Long time ago in Bethlehem, so the Holy Bible say,
Mary’s boy child Jesus Christ, was born on Christmas Day. Hark, now hear the angels sing, a king was born today, And man will live for evermore, because of Christmas Day. Mary’s boy child Jesus Christ, was born on Christmas Day.”

This time Penny fainted.

Whatajoke and Jimmydoowoop were sizing each other up, they had been given the part of two old stags, they were going to lock horns right the way through the festive period.

Annetteknitthecurtain along with Miss Rose had been given the job of props. Miss Rose was wondering how she was ever going to persuade Annette to open the curtain. Annette had already written a letter of warning to Miss Rose stating, that under no circumstances was she allowing Thin no dice no ice, or Eve, to go anywhere near her curtain and that was all she was going to say on the subject, she would not under any circumstances be drawn into an argument and no matter how much they goaded her she was still not going to open the curtain. Nor would she allow the teapot to speak on stage, nor phoenix who although spoke reason did not understand her point of view and no matter how much they tried to play nicely with her now, she was not opening the curtain and that was all she was going to say on the subject.

Jadey Wadey, NonWelshFem, Tinks, Maxie, Fizzie Lizzie, Losty, Looby, Angelturnedtodust, Daisydot and nice fem were all in the Real World of JC’s bridal shop. They were all going to be angels and all wanted to wear wedding dresses for the occasion. Jadey Wadey hadn’t quite got the hang of this wedding dress malarkey and was determined to wear her doc martins. Angelturnedtodust was trying to convince Jadey Wadey to slip into a nice pair of satin slippers but just had her fingers crushed by Jadey, who was hoping that Jodac would be a donkey in the play and she could give her a good kicking so, there was no way she was changing her mind.

Phoenix the only bird with wings was busy with Thin no dice no ice’s apprentice, she had got the role of the Arch Angel Gabriel and was being swung high above the Real World of JC by an evil young man who was going to get a yak gong smashed on his head if she ever got down.

Woodie, who had been turned down by Irish Lucy for President, was not allowed to wear his leprechaun outfit and was back at his sewing machine making a green felt Christmas tree complete with a big fairy on his head.

Mariapizzeria and MinnieClaireWales hadn’t got the inn keeping job, they had got something much better, they were given the important job of catering for the closing party. They were currently in the Real World of JC’s supermarket having relieved Alkiarse of his money off coupons. So far they had filled two trolley’s full of boxed wine, four packets of cuppa soup and 30 cartons of pot noodles for those who were really hungry.

Punch and Judy were going to be sheep and Judy was trying to baa through her gimp mask but finding it too difficult gave up and let Punch baaa for her.

Alkiarse had drunk his petrol supply for the day and missed not only MAX’s explosion but also the announcement, he was deep in dreamland, whispering sweet nothings to the love of his life sprawled out on her new rug, “oh Bolton beast show me your M & S brushed nylon nightie” he murmured in his sleep.

The narrator’s job had been given to MatureMalemovingtoSuffolk. Had to be him, he wrote the script and was the only person in the Real World of JC that could pronounce some of the hard words he had put in …. Like “Jerusalem”.

Wordstomanytoreadworth was in charge of the music. Whatajoke had raised his antlers at this due to the fact he was the only old codger in the Real World of JC that should be allowed to serenade the ladies.

Billyards, HGV1 and Fattish Neil had been given the role of the three wise men. AsianNastyMale, MAX, TeeTotal, PhoenixCD, Ave Dude and YUKON had been given the parts of the Camels. The three wise men were currently pulling straws as to who was ending up with which camel but none of them could decide what would be the worst camel ride in the history of the Real World of JC, so Fattish Neil was handing out double Vodka and cokes.

Kenty Wenty and Gill Cambs got the prestigious part of the donkey, responsible for the safe arrival of Mary into Bethlehem. Gill, wasn’t taking any chances with Kenty Wenty, going anywhere near her backside and was taking the bottom end of the Donkey.

The unhappiest couple in the Real World of JC, since Jimmy and Chele, at that precise moment in time, was Thin no dice no ice and Blonde the Bolton Bomber. Someone with evil intentions had scrubbed out the names of the real Virgin Mary and Joseph and had replaced their names with Thin No dice no ice and Blonde the Bolton Bomber. Thin no dice no ice was in shock and could only be heard saying
“king hell I’d rather marry the donkey” :twisted: :twisted: