The Annual Panto !!

Its Panto Time !!!

The JC regulars were organising the annual christmas panto. As usual, they could’nt agree which one to do, so had decided a mixture of many was the ticket.

The Don, aka Rosepedalbin had put herself in charge and was handing out parts.

Mr Patacrap, EDDIE the Beagle, Mcfooked and Findingweemo, you shall play the 4 mice who pull Cinderella’s carriage.

” who’s playing Cinders Don ? ” squeaked Eddie the Beagle

” this year I have decided that Nice_pies female will be Cinders ! ”

Findingweemo went very pale and Mcfooked mumbled ” fook me !! best stock up on your weetabix lads”

Nicepies glared at Mcfooked and stroked her taser lovingly.

A door slammed and welchy the grape bellowed ” sorry i’m late, ive had a busy morning,
first i absailed off the roof of me block of flats to wash me winda’s , i did 5 bags ov ironun
and then went shoppin at de asda and got sum more beddin like, den purra chickkkkun curreee in d oven fa tea like ,anyways am ere now , whats me part gonna be lar ? ”

As Jade the Blade had taken her plastic bag and was now sitting on it on an alternative chatsite, Welchy the Grape had esconced herself as ‘Head of the Gang’ and took no shyte off no one !!!

The Don coughed nervously and mumbled ” you’re playing the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk”

” ya waaaa ? ” Welchey the Grape looked stern.

” well its a big part ahem, and we need a big erm character to erm bring it off loudly,
err I mean masterfully…. anyway moving on.”

” whats that noise ? ” A gentle snoring could be heard from the back of the room.

On investigation Moonpig.com was found slumped in the costume box, a tiarra round her eyes, thigh-length boots on, cuddling an empty litre bottle of Blacktower and smiling contentedly….

” perfect !!” said The Don ” moonpig is playing Sleeping beauty !! ”

The Blonde Bombshell from Bolton snapped ”Get those boots off her !!! I’m Playing Dlck and
shes got my fookme boots on !!”

Mario, also known as ‘Gums’, who was hiding under a chair muttered ” thought i was the principal dlck ”

” oh you are gums, in so many ways ”

ForumHost NippleStuds swigged from her bottle of Tia Maria, farted and said ” Well I want to

be the Genie…that way i can float in and out, gag a few feckers, hic, and i won’t miss me

soaps pmsfl !! ”

” Joker and Alfie, you are playing The Ugly Sisters, Joker you love wearing dresses and your both well …. well …..Ugly.”

” DoubleDee’s you shall play Puss in Boobs, sorry boots, they put me off hahaha … Gosh one cant take ones eyes off them !!! ”

Ugly as a Moose was sulking because she was always cast as the pantomime cow.

She never got a costume, she just got emulsioned, badly, she looked like she had been caught in the crossfire at a paintball fight.

Laine had pinned several chatters in a corner and was regaling them with tales of when she had been principal character in most pantomimes, that was after becoming a qualified electrician, sailing round the world, writing several novelettes, building airforce 1, belly dancing infront of the King of Brunei, becoming the 1st woman to circumnavigate the world in a hot air balloon made entirely from old knickers and bungee jumping from the eiffle tower with only a silk thong on and nipple tassles……

” anyway, after i’d made my 2nd million, selling pegs to Japanese Macaque monkeys… ….

I say why are you all asleep ?”

” Pay attention everyone” roared The Don, ” now for the 7 dwarfs… Belowaverage-dud, your Dopey…Ed da Ball- bashful… Sleepy-ReWaxed Stick, Happy-Steveporks,
Grumpy will be Alkiarse … that’ll do, I can’t be bothered with any more smalls.”

”Loony you will play Snow White, you’ll enjoy that, you’ll get to kick the lil feckers about,

make sure alkiarse gets a gooden please.”

Lastly, Tracy Queen of Orange you will play the Evil Queen, have you already got stage make-up on ? NO ? oh well tone down the orange dear, Satsuma’s seldom look evil, now everybody, study your lines and we’ll meet again here next week, oh sorry I missed one , Anita Getalife, considering your IQ you’re playing a pumpkin”