The Christmas Party Final Chapter

Nice_pies_Fem was slumped in the toilet. Snot and Tears abounded, would no one miss her and come looking ? ” I could die in here…….,,starve to death, by the time I get out Merrymoron will have eaten the whole buffett and I wont get any trifle” she sobbed.

Just then she heard a sawing noise above her head and looked up to see a saw cutting a circle above her head. The circle was lifted out and a little face peeped through.

” Never fear lovely lady, JimmY Juan sheet is here, I will save you !!’
and with that he jumped down and karate kicked the toilet door down.
” I would have been here earlier lovely lady, but i was called away on an urgent mission to help an exploration team in the arctic, tracking the Narwhal , they needed me to dive down 5 miles and pin a tracking device to its tusk ( without a wet suit), i had to grapple a hostile polar bear on the way back and had a quick detour to the Amazon where I was required to help out the Enawene Nawe tribe install some air-conditioning”

Nice_Pies_Fem was overcome, she heard violins playing and a band of angels singing, the world became fluffy round the edges………..
as she stared at Jimmy_I’ll_Wop_you, he seemed to morph into David Tennant before her very eyes…
Nice hoisted her bloomers up, wiped her nose on her sleeve and took Jimmy’s arm…. ” Thankyou so Much Mr Doowop, would you care to share some trifle with me? ” Nice_pies_fem sharing trifle… It had to be love !!!

Gill_cambs had taken one glance at Jokecliffs urine stained crotch and had beat a hasty retreat. Jokecliff was furious !

Where was the fear ? where was the adoration ? why did nobody respect him anymore ? he could’nt understand it !!!

He wobbled off in his platform boots to the bar, where Huge_Member was on beer 23.

” Awwww Jokey good buddy, wots up man, are you sad? c’mere gimme a hug…”

Jokecliff gasped for breath and went blue.

Thick_Slice was bored, nothing much was happening on the camera’s…..

Jade_The_Blade was reclining on a sofa, Eddie_The_Wimp’s tiny feet could be seen poking out from her cocktail dress…

” Ive found the choccie coins he mumbled… but theres a vicious pussycat in here….. I think its after my yuletide log !! xxxlol”

Mariapizzaria had woken up and screamed on realising her head was as bald as a baboons bottom ! determind not to miss the party she strapped, a now sedated charles to her head, and pretended she was dressed up as Cruella De Ville.

RosePedalbin tipped Handypandy the wink and Handy sauntered over to the buffett looking inconspicuous. He wandered around to the back of the MerryMoron, who sat guarding the food like a hippo quivering with excitement,….
Quick as a flash Handy whipped out his industrial strength Duck Tape and pinned Merry to his chair, arms by his side, and a few strips round his mouth for good measure.

” Well done Handy, when i bang the gong for supper at least it will give some of us a chance at a mini sausage roll..”

Merry was bellowing beneath the duct tape, like a Bull Elephant with its nuts caught in a vice.

Handypandy Tipped his hat and winked at RosePedalbin ”Pleasure maam, just say the word and i’ll show you my nail gun and my other impressive Tool”

”Thankyou Handy ” Rose blushed ”errr speaking of Tools why is Jokecliffe yelling insults at people for no apparant reason ?”

It was true, desparation had set in. Trying to mingle and make unfunny quips with chatters, was getting Jokecliff nowhere, so he had resorted to shouting snidey comments to people in an effort to get some attention, all to no avail, nobody took the slightest notice, poor sad little old man….. All together now ”Awwwwwwwww……….” Moving swiftley on….

Thick_Slice switched his monitors off, stood up, scratched his crotch, again, and decided to join the party. In he strode in, in his tightest black velvet hipsters, and ruffled silk shirt, undone to the waist, displaying his masshive medalion. All the ladies gushed their greetings,,,,

apart from Welche_The_Grape who threw a prawn filled vol-au-vent at him and spat on the floor…

” Look at the fckin kip of him !!” she laughed, ” I thought Liberace was dead ffs !!! ”

Thick mingled round the room but felt he was being watched, he turned, just a christmas tree… hmmm …. He moved on to Penny’s table, but heard the rustling of branches behind him, he looked again. Gill_cambs, disguised as a christmas tree, quickly stood still as a statue… and thus it carried on ….
for the remainder of the evening.

Alkiarse was beside himself, the new slimline Blonde, complete with knockers to rival Dolly Parton had rendered him unable to speak.
In an effort to get her to converse with him he rushed up to her, but could only focus on her Bosom and blurted out ” pumpkins !!” then ran off and wimpered in a corner.

Lonnie_The_Wig, with a bandaged head, was attempting to woo a very nervous looking PippaaaaFromLondon, she had never imagined him being 4’8” and wearing a nappy
and it was very diconcerting. Feeling he was losing the battle, he whipped out his mobile, which was almost the same size as him and txted SuboQ…

” Quick, get to the party, I need some back-up and a few lol’s, smartish…” and with that he minced over to the bar, followed by his personal medical team.

Very_Important_Peanut was perched on Ugly_asa_mooses back. He slapped her enormous rump and shouted ” come on moosey, Trot on !!! this is the best ride ive had in years !! ”

From the corner of the room mary_tuna_multiple_names glared…….and yelled
” I am a woman !!” in a rich barritone voice.

Clare_Don’t_Dare _me mumbled ” ohhh shurrup ya daft old bat…. I’m sorry but its doin me head in … Any Men Over 40? .. she’ll be lucky if she gets one under bleedin 70 !! ”

Tea_Cosy_Male had decided he would write a little novel and had taken himself off to the gents toilets, where he could be found scrawling on the walls with a crayon…
” The KAt shAt oN duRR Matt ”

TinkleTits and Neil_gizafeel came back from the cloakroom looking very sheepish, Tinkles tutu was up round her neck and Neil had his superman PJ’s on back to front.

Penny_4Aguy had given herself a headache with her swivelling head. Downing her 5th Campari and soda she was having coded conversations with invisible people.

” We’ll it not my fault if your box is locked is it ? Yes Please, I’ll have a double…hic .. I.m wishing on a starrrrrr……. hic …..” she warbled like Hilda Ogden.

What would happen 9 months from now ?

Would Nice_Pies drop a little wooopsy ?

Would TinkleTits pop out a minni boozer ?

Would Ugly_asa_Moose have very Important Mooselets ?

Would Jade_The_Blade squeeze a Choccie loving Midget out ?

Would Thick_Slice be tied and gagged and immprisoned in a strange basement ?