The Performance

The day of the performance arrived and the theatre was in chaos.
The Don was bellowing orders to everyone and nobody was taking any
notice.

Filterchat was in his hunchback of Notre dame costume and he really had the hump.
Snow White was chatting up EDDIE the Beagle and Filter was’nt having any of that, he found
the Beagles water bowl and peed in it.

ForumHostNippleStuds had returned from casualty wearing a massive bandage on her head. The Don had immediately disguised it with lots of plastic fruit.
” kerrist, you look more like Carmen Miranda than a genie, oh well it will have to do ”
NippleStuds trotted off to the bar for a quick ‘ sex on the beach’.

” you there … you there …. yes you, Evil Queen, I bought lose extra long false nails out of my own money, so please stop using them to pick your nose ! oh and lose the comedy glasses, your meant to look evil, not like Mr Magoo !!
Evil Queen Tracy of Orange was furious… she stomped off back stage and came across Sleeping Beauty, having a wee nap, face down in the fire curtains. Too good an opportunity to miss, she proceeded to cut a large hole in the bottom part of her lovely dress ….and went off sniggering.

Cinders was in a real state, wailing and crying all over Ugly as a Moose’s large furry rump.
The authorities had turned up and released David Tennant from his binds. Last seen he was running down the road, shaking and crying, with torn clothing and ruffled hair, covered in lipstick.
” ohhhhh I thought he wovved meeee…. its no good …. I can’t possibly perform now …unless…unless……. I have Cake !!!” she stood up blew her hooter on Moose’s tail and stomped off to the canteen.

Joker was waiting in the wings for his cue, when he felt a hand travel up the back of his thigh and pat his bottom. A sleazy voice whispered in his ear …” hi pretty ladyyyyy….would you like to know what i can do with an ice cube and some lube …”
Joker span round to face his oily perv ….
” MarmaladeMan Orrible, touch me again and you’ll be putting ice where your testicles used to be.”
” ooopsy ” MM grinned nervously and wafted away like a sprouty fart

The Panto was underway. The Blonde Bombshell from Bolton was warming the crowd up nicely.
Striding around the stage in her leather Fookme boots, slapping her thigh….
” hello everybody , I’m Dlck …. has anybody seen my pu$$y ?”
”its behind you” cried the audiance in true panto style… Dlck spun round to see The Panto cow trotting across the stage with a bowl of trifle in hand…

” improvise” stage whispered The Don …
” Oh yes there she is ….. puss puss puss ….. I know shes a big pu$$y children, errrr….errr… which just goes to show you, you should never, ever, ever, play with nuclear waste …”

Just then a drunken NippleStud launched herself onto the stage doing the samba, rattling a pair of enormous maracas , singing…
” aye aye aye aye aye, aye like you verryyyyy much ….hic …”

A dishrevelled looking Sleeping Beauty also found her way onto the stage and yelled
” wheres me wine ?”
” its behind youuuuuu”
Sleeping Beauty turned to look and an audible gasp came from the audience as moonpigs glowing white bottom was lit up by several spotlights.

The four mice had gone to the pub so Cinders carriage had to be pushed onto the stage by the dwarfs, and as Cinders refused to have any other JC’r as her Prince Charming, they had to replace him with a cardboard cut out.

By the End of the performance The Don had smoked 40 fags and was on her 2nd bottle of gin.

The cast took their bows and the audience went home stunned …and …well just stunned really.

” well done everybody…” slurred The Don… Same again next year …..

and fgs will someone clean that fooking cow shlt up !!!!! ”