When I was a lad I used to have a pet bee called Gordon that I kept on a little piece of cotton. He was a lovely little creature, wouldn’t hurt a fly. He would fly about three feet in front of me and keep midgies and things away of an evening. I was never bothered by midgies at all when I was a lad but now they seem to be in my underpants and everywhere. I get these terrible itches in my underpants. One night, a bluddy great bat swooped down and goggled Gordon up. If I had had him micro-chipped, I might have been able to follow him into the woods and save him :( So if you ever see a bat flying about with a piece of cotton hanging out of its mouth, that’ll probably be the one who ate Gordon…