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a lad at work showed me a clip from a po.rn film that someone had sent to his phone. It was of a woman being taken from behind while at the same time the man held her head down a toilet and flushed it – if thats not demeaning, i dont know what is! :o :P
This prisoner escapes after 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and food, and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair and he ties the wife to the bed, and gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife: “Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He’s probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain and do what he tells you, no matter how much he ravages you. This guy is probably really dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”
To which the wife responds, “he wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, and thought you were cute. He asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom, so I told him where to find it. Be strong, darling. I love you, too.”
A Scouser inadvertently goes into a gay bar for a beer. He sits at the bar supping his pint when one gay gentleman decides to chance his luck. He approaches the Scouser and whispers something into his ear, whereupon the Liverpudlian turns around in complete disgust and horror and proceeds to punch the living f.uck out of the homosexual, fist after fist punching him out the door, kicking him across the pub car park, relentlessly punching and kicking until the victim lay comatose. The Scouser then dusted himself down and calmly returned to his pint at the bar, whilst the horrified staff and client�¨le stood silent and motionless.
Eventually, the barman plucks up the courage to ask what had happened:
Barman: “Bloody hell mate. What on earth did he whisper to you?”
Scouser: “Dunno, but it was something about a ‘job’.”
The police interviewing of Karen Matthews: the only time you hope that a police investigation will end with a cover up.
What do a tightrope walker and a guy getting head from Karen Matthews have in common?
They’re both too afraid to look down.
I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said, “Morning.”
He replied, “No, just having a sh.it.”
A bloke walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads, “Cheese sandwich: 99p; Chicken sandwich: £1.50; Handjob: £20.00.”
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, the man walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three hot waitresses.
“Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile. “Can I help you?”
“I was wondering,” whispers the man. “Are you the one who gives the handjobs?”
“Yes,” she purrs. “Indeed I am.”
The man replies, “Well, go and wash your fu.cking hands. I want a cheese sandwich!”
@bat wrote:
Oooooooooo I watched saw 3 pebbles. I loved the bits where you saw all Jigsaws other victims trying to escape. That poor woman with that kind of restraint over her face. She had to find the key to it. She was in a room and there was a guy on the floor and she though he was dead, but he wasn,t. The key was in his stomach and she had to get it out!!!! :shock: :shock: If she didn,t the restraint would snap open and break her jaw!! :shock: :shock:
thought this might appeal to your sick sense of humour :lol:
A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise.
He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw.The man, terrified, screamed, “Stop! Stop! You’re not going to cut it off, are you?!?”
The husband said, with a horrible gleam of revenge in his eye, “Nope. You are. I’m going to set the garage on fire.”
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, “F.uck off, you won’t bring it back!”
