My worst ever, and there have been a few, was in the Student’s Union at Essex. A thoroughly well packed place was impeding my progress towards the poor students who were forced by their financial short failings to work behind the bar on a Saturday night. God bless them.
Anyroadup, this pikey decided a bit of Spiderman like agility was called for. I began to make my way by hopping from one table to the next – pausing only to laugh at those angered by my dashed daring escapades and look down their girlfriend’s tops.
I’d got about half way across the crowded room and everything was going swimmingly when I chanced a risky manoeuvre that involved balancing briefly on the back of one stout young lady’s chair before making a sidestep onto the safety of the rugby team’s drinking platform.
It would’ve worked as well. However, the stout young lady got up just as I stepped on the back of her chair. The chair tipped and I made a graceful arc before smashing down length ways into the middle of a game of Father Abrahams.
I estimate that about five hundred revellers, out of a crowd of about fifteen hundred, had been following my progress up to that point. Lots of them pointed and laughed. My mate Dave maintains to this day that his girlfriend actually wet herself.