pixiefromdixie

Armenia summary – Nice introduction, a guy in a boxing setup seems to appear from a giant cheese grater. Now he wants to know if he should live or die without our live. Nobody knows, but if he makes one wrong move on top of that cheese grater, he will have no choice in the matter.

He makes it safely off the cheese grater (has to be against EU…[Read more]

Turkey summary – A white female singer with a tattoo. Never knew you got them in Turkey either – tonight has been a real eye-opener. She is singing something about a superstar, I think all the rest is in Turkish.

Every now and then she screams. Apparently at random. But now I know it is coming I cringe before it even arrives. Now she is telling…[Read more]

Sweden summary – Well we have a female brunnette singer. I thought everyone in Sweden was blonde so immediately they get votes just for teaching me something new.

This woman has an enormously large dress train which is approximately the size of three football fields. If the guys holding it let go, no doubt she would fly off and end up in outer…[Read more]

Ireland summary – Every song is a cry for love. Apparently. We have a slow love song from the Irish with corresponding green lighting going on across the stage.

Two females and a man in the background are standing there bending their knees in time to the music. Oh and every now and then they sing.

No flag waving, but plenty of green glowsticks…[Read more]

Croatia summary – According to the subtitles, the opening lyrics are, ‘For the grass has not yet sprouted come on come come come hop on my chicken, the devils are your godfathers’.

Lots of passion about chickens and godfathers and devils, with a catchy tune and some limbo dancing without the pole going on from the singer.

Nice work from the…[Read more]

France summary – Lots of wailing with some instrumentals. The singer is a blonde with amazingly black and bushy eyebrows. I am awaiting the inevitable glimpse of underarm hair but she must know we are all looking and refuses to raise her arms.

Yup, I think thats about it for this song. A female singer and a guy playing the cello. Boring, safe and…[Read more]

Ukraine summary – This is quite simply Ukraine’s version of Chakira. Everything is the same, probably even the words but I have to admit I have never listened to the words of a Chakira song before.

She wants us to show her love and talk to her hear, whisper her name and hide her mother? OK maybe I got the last bit wrong, hard to tell with the…[Read more]

Finland summary – ‘Hard Rock, Hallelujah’ – immediately I am ready for a party. OK we have a bunch of cling-ons wearing plastic party hats adorned with the blue Finnish cross. At least we know the aliens are friendly to one country. Kinda screws the rest of the planet though.

Lots of talk about God – do aliens believe in God? Who cares all I can…[Read more]

Greece summary – The home crowd goes wild upon the start of the song. Soon quitens down so we can hear the female singer. Seems like a quiet song, lets see if it picks up…..

‘Everything I hate, everything you do, I’m still in love with everything I hate, everything you do, Everything I see, everything on you’

I sense a broken heart here. Or is…[Read more]

United Kingdom summary – OK we have a bunch of arrogant chav girls who have obviously skipped school to be there, and probably stole loads on the way too.

Now we have the chav leader on stage rapping and telling us about his chav school days whilst the girls do things against and around their school desks which must be against the school…[Read more]

Lithuania summary – Initial thoughts are the cast of Reservoir Dogs have walked on stage in their suits. Oh but then it turns into ‘We are the winners of Eurovision, we are we are’.

Sorry lads, we don’t like cockiness here in Blighty – I predict nil points from the UK for this one.

Additionally the awful screaming and posturing makes me want…[Read more]

Bosnia & Herzegovina summary – Again all in white, quite a stylish set. Nice instrumentals. Waiting for the song…. waiting for the song….

Song has started…. all in foreign so lets get the subtitles on……

OK key lyric is ‘Rosemary in your hair, my dove, lovely dove, my love I wont be there’

Subtitles have now been switched off again. I…[Read more]

**INTERLUDE**

A few more ‘Amazings’ from the female presenter. They want us to keep our enthusiasm up. Don’t worry darling, we are all glued to our TV sets.

Romania summary – Lots of smoke, some mystery and his own girl who is dancing around with her interpretation of a tree in a force 6 gale.

As the song picks up we get more dancers – those flag wavers in the crowd are won over already; so fickle.

Decent voice in the guy, but sounds a little too much like a club album to me. Such music will never…[Read more]

Macedonia summary – Initial thought is, good advert for the Wonder Bra. Initial lyrics are ‘Oh oh oh oh oh oh, woo wooo wooo ohhh ohhhh’. Now apparently she wants to make me feel sweet and make my dreams come true. Probably all a ruse to get a British passport.

Nice body, moves it well so should get a few points from the perves in Italy, France…[Read more]

Russia summary – Well we can see that the Commie regime is not completely over. Using school children to advance the propoganda machine is obviously still happening, with the Russian entry still sporting his P.E. vest.

He puts up a good effort when you consider the hell he must be going through. Nice mullet too – one that would even impress…[Read more]

Denmark summary – Well dont go to Denmark unless you now how to twist. These girls were obviously let down big time in the past with a twisting partner. But they are not mad – they have got over it and obviously learned to laugh about the memory.

We have silvery golden outfits, high energy and lots of posturing and wailing. Also a random Mexican…[Read more]

Germany summary – Most people think nursery rhymes are simply fairy tales in song format. The characters surely cannot exist. Germany proves us wrong.

We have Little Bo Peep singing country with a bunch of Mexicans and inflatable cacti. If this song doesn’t make you want to reach for the tequilla, I dont know what will.

No chance of…[Read more]

Malta summary – We know the guy wants to do something, but we arent sure. Oh no, they lyrics develop to say it’s us that he wants to do. Seems like sex and white is the running theme of Eurovision this year.

OK this guy is Malta’s version of Michael Flatley, but with a face like Ricky Martin. Just imagine the parents. Oh hang on, now he wants to…[Read more]

Spain summary – Well we have ladies in red sitting at the back ‘singing’ and two in black writhing around on the stage (or are they women too???).

Sung in the style of a bunch of 6 year olds at a school talent contest who ended up coming last.

Truly awful. Not even cheesy choreography can save this one. May just clinch it.

Best lyrics -…[Read more]