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No mate your thinking of Shaturates :)

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Hiya mate,

Reckon you should go the whole hog and have a David brent style speech prepared.

There’s lots of ways you can tell jokes about Martin and his skin-flint ways. For instance you could say I’m gonna make this a short speech, because i’m charging Martin 20p a minute for me sevices and when i told him about this he replied okay 5 mins maximum,noooo I’m not saying he’s tight but he once dropped a penny, went down to pick it up and it hit him in the back of the neck :lol:

Infact if his wife was a Virgin he’s have some idea tonight what it feels like to be so tight….. but as we all know she’s been around the block more times than a tramps dog :wink:

but seriously though, Martins done really well to find someone(you turn at this point to look at his wife) as pretty, honest, witty and sexy…….as me to be his best man :lol: and Clare….. yeah…. apparantly shes a good cook so he’s laughing.

etc etc, you never know mate, there may be a comic scout in the crowd and the’ll sign you up,. seroiously thoug, when i was a best man, I read it out a few times to my best mate, so maybe we can get together and go through it this week if you like, it’ll help when the big day comes too.

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@soulie wrote:

appently these rules don’t apply at the trafford centre

The Trafford centre or old trafford was that old bean? :lol:

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OOHHH wish I had sky again, since we moved the wife says we can’t afford it :(

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@pikey wrote:

:lol: I refuse the temptation to translate.

I’ve been watching Life on Mars of a Monday night. Anyone else been following it? I think it’s the best thing that’s been on the gogglebox for months.

Yeah I’ve been watching it too, quite good isn’t it? was a bit sceptical at first,but kinda like that sort of programme, was a big fan of Quantum leap in the old days :)

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Just posted a pic of my wife and got some startling results :lol:

72% Charlize Theron

70% Penelope Cruz

68% Anna Kournacova

66% Halle Berry

63% Winona Ryder

Think I’ll be having an orgy tonight :lol:

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@alan snowman wrote:

i got told i looked like renee zellweger and im a bloke

You got any plans tonight sexy? :lol:

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apparantly I look

52% like morgan freeman :lol:

50% like Al Pacino 8)

48% mel brook :roll:

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Give me Barry Manilow anyday.

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I worked in a bakery a few years back and my mate fancied one of the packers, so we got us heads together and wroth the following verses and left it in a card with her name on it, we didn’t really think the plan through though as she proceeded to show everyone else in the shop the saucy little card we had left her :lol: she blamed him for the whole thing and me being a mate obviously let him take the flak and denied everything.

The Verses

You are fit
and I am hunky
I think of you when
I spank my monkey

Yeah I have a nice flat
yeah it’s a nice place
Why don’t you come over
and sit on my face

Can’t remember the otheres…sorry, maybe i should start my own business though :lol:

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