[The Observer]

@james Belfast wrote:

Just does as he’s told
Always is wrong
Moans when he’s cold
Elephant dong
Some poetic licence obviously

Sorry William but :lol:

James you bugger :lol:

I have something in mind for this thread too :wink:

[The Observer]

Crikey NO I welcome your posts and I fear I may have prevented others from posting on your poem. It was very good and up to your usual standard.

I have even gone so far as to check out your web link and I think it is you that is the pro :wink:

[The Observer]

Awww Crazy Chick you are making an Old Curmudgeon very happy :D

I have to tell you I have led a life bereft of cuddles and kisses I was a very ugly child and my mother was not the most affectionate of women. Unlike my aunt Mabel, who took every opportunity to pull me onto her rather ample bosom. She often left me gasping for breath and to this day I often think of my childhood and those big breaths. My teenage years faired no better, as from about the age of 12 I got the most horrendous acne and as I got curiouser about the opposite sex they got crosser with me. After almost giving up on getting a girlfriend I suddenly came across Sally the Squeeze. She seemed to have a weird obsession with my affliction and loved nothing better than sitting on my face and squeezing the puss out of my spots. I am scarred (as well as scared) to this day. Since Sally I have been more than a little wary of what is expected from a kiss and cuddle. You however seem like a nice girl Ms Chick (can I call you Crazy?) so please keep paying your internet bills.

As for Rubyred……well the sherry sure does go to your red head :shock:

My references to you and MaryJ being scottish and dyslexic was me trying to find a reason why many don’t reply to your posts. You have your own style of typing, it aint English but I like Mary as she knows. :) You however are a feisty redheaded Scots lady which is a dangerous combination.

p.s. No-one replies to my posts either but do I complain? No, coz I know I am a boring b’stard. :)

apart from Crazy Chick of course who I am obviously in love with in a non-slippery slope kinda way.

oh and Peco too who has surprised me to find he is yet another Scots person, but less volatile than some. I guess it just goes to show that you are a chatty lot.

[The Observer]

The 5 minutes referred to how long it took me to write it :wink:

I am glad I have made you smile :D

Oh and I just found out you are American 8)

Yee-ha as you say!!! :wink:

[The Observer]

Lovely poem again :)

My variation on your theme…….

Puffing and Panting

I am not as young as once I was
and my libido has waned somewhat
I craved your body night and day
and for you I was always hot

I remember lasting hours and hours
trantic sex a chanting
but now it’s over in just a trite
with lots of puffing and panting

signed

‘The 5 minute wonder’

[The Observer]

p.s.

Galaxy, I hope you are not reading this :oops:

[The Observer]

You have now got me looking for sex aids for the disabled :lol:

Here take a look at this site>mybackisfooked.com<

I recommend the ‘saddle’ as it has scotch guard and with you being scotch an all :wink:

[The Observer]

You want the calmer Karma Sutra by the sounds of it…..awwwwww

Well I can’t find that 60’s one you wanted but I have found the Chaz and Dave ‘Stars over 45’ version :lol:

All together now……

We’re gonna take this, opportunity
To play some old time songs
We got a lap-trap on the off-beat
And a bass drum on the on
Stars over 45, we’re gonna keep those songs alive
Those boys deserve some credit, don’t forget it
Hit it, hit it

I go window cleaning, to earn an honest bob
For a nosey parker, it’s an interesting job
It’s a job that just suits me, a window cleaner you would be
If you could see what I can see
When I’m cleaning windows
In my profession I work hard but I never stop
I climb this blinkin’ ladder ’til I get right to the top
Honey mooning couples too
You should see them bill and clue
You’d be suprised at the things they do
When I’m cleaming windows

One, two, three, four, get your bodies on the floor
Five, six, seven, eight, get out of it before it’s too late
Here’s a little tune I like myself
Very nice, very nice

Any old iron, any old iron
Any any any old iron
You look sweet, talk about a treat
Your lookin’ dapper from your napper to your feet
Dressed in style, brand new tile
Your fathers old green tie on
But wouldn’t giver you tuppence for your old watch back
Old iron, old iron

Run rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run
Don’t give the farmer his fun, fun, fun
He’ll get by, without his rabbit pie
So run rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run
Run rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run
Don’t give the farmer his fun, fun, fun
Bang, bang, bang, bang goes the farmer’s gun
So run rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run

I know a fat old policeman, who’s always on the beat
A fat and jolly red faced man he really is a treat
He’s too kind for a policeman, he’s never known to frown
And everybody says that he’s the happiest man in town
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
So if you chance to meet him, while walking round the town
Just shake him by his fat old hand and give him half a crown
His eyes will beam and sparkle and gurgle with delight
And then you’ll start him laughing, until he cracks his sides
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Oh my what a rotten song
What a rotten song, what a rotten song
Oh my what a rotten song
And what a rotten singer too

Run rabbit, run rabbit give him half a crown
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha knees up mother brown
Bang, bang, bang, bang goes the farmer’s gun
Any old iron, any old iron, when I’m cleaning windows
Run rabbit, run rabbit give him half a crown
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha knees up mother brown
Bang, bang, bang, bang goes the farmer’s gun
Any old iron, any old iron, when I’m cleaning windows
Run rabbit, run rabbit, give it to the girl nextdoor…

[The Observer]

I think what you are looking for is garage, urban or hiphop. I think that is what they are called :lol: Or maybe it is just dance, is it?

Galaxy might know seeing as she is of the age group.

Maybe a bit of Cheeko who is number 1 at the moment in The Top of the Pops charts. Not my sort of thing but as loud as possible with a good beat seems to be the order of any day.

How is your back btw Mary? Your days of doing the ‘dead fly’ or ‘Oops up side your head’ must be over then.

[The Observer]

Hi MaryJ looks like the mountain has to come to Mohammed here :lol:

I remember the ‘Stars on 45’ very well, but I don’t think they would go down well at an 18th birthday party.

My particular favourite is the Beatles one 8)

The Stars on ’45 keep on turning in your mind
Like “We Can Work it Out”
Remember “Twist and Shout”
You still don’t “Tell Me Why” and “No Reply”

1, 2, 3, 4….
This happened once before when I came to your door
No reply
They said it wasn’t you but I saw you peep through your window

You know if you break my heart I’ll go
But I’ll come back again
‘Cause I told you once before goodbye
But I came back again

Asked a girl what she wanted to be
And she said, “Baby, can’t you see?”
“I wanna be famous, a star on the screen.”
“But you can do something in between!”
“Baby, you can drive my car.”
“Yes, I’m gonna be a star.”
“Baby, you can drive my car.”
“And Baby, I love you!”

Listen, do you want to know a secret?
Do you promise not to tell?
Oh, oh-a-oh, oh
Closer, let me whisper in your ear
Say the words you long to hear
I’m in love with you (oh-a-ooh-ooh)

Try to see it my way
Do I have to keep on talking ’til I can’t go on?
While you see it your way
Run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone
We can work it out
We can work it out

I should’ve know better with a girl like you
That I would love everything that you do
And I do, hey, hey, hey

He’s a real nowhere man, sitting in his nowhere land

You’re gonna lose that girl
You’re gonna lose that girl
You’re gonna lose that girl

I think I’m gonna be sad, I think it’s today, yeah
The girl that’s driving me mad is going away
She’s got a ticket to ride, she’s got a ticket to ride
She’s got a ticket to ride and she don’t care

Say the word and you’ll be free
Say the word and be like me
Say the word I’m thinking of
Have you heard the word is love?
It’s so fine, it’s sunshine
It’s the word, love

Ahh, look at all the lonely people
Ahh, look at all the lonely people

When I’m walking beside her people tell me I’m lucky
Yes, I know I’m a lucky guy
I remember the first time I was lonely without her
Can’t stop thinking about her now
Every little thing she does, she does for me, yeah
And you know the things she does, she does for me, oooh

You tell me that you’ve got everything you want
And your bird can sing
But you don’t get me, you don’t get me
When your prized possessions start to wear you down
Look in my direction, I’ll be around, I’ll be around

Jo jo was a man who thought he was a loner
But he knew it wouldn’t last
Jo jo left his home in Tucson, Arizona
For some California grass
Get back, get back, get back to where you once belonged
Get back, get back, get back to where you once belonged

Got a good reason for takin’ the easy way out
Got a good reason for takin’ the easy way out now
She was a day tripper, one way ticket, yeah
It took me so long to find out and I found out

It’s been a long time
Now I’m coming back home
I’ve been away now
Oh, how I’ve been alone
Wait ’til I come back to your side
We’ll forget the tears we’ve cried
But if your heart breaks
Don’t wait, turn me away
And if your heart’s strong
Hold on, I won’t delay

The Stars on ’45 keep on turning in your mind
Like “We Can Work it Out”
Remember “Twist and Shout”
You still don’t “Tell Me Why” and “No Reply”

It was also interpersed with a lot of oooooo ooooooing which I have deliberately left out :)

[Author]

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