[toybulldog]

lots and lots and lots of words, but simplicity is often best.

“No Woman, No Cry”

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[toybulldog]

Don’t know about that Sarah, but when I saw The Best Of Barry Manilow advertised I was amazed that they could sell afterbirths.

[toybulldog]

Whirled Peas is the number one objective of the Green Party. Unlike Labour, who seem intent on making the plasma boil and whose policies should be canned.

For instance, when “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” came out, a spin doctor in the Wilson government was appalled as to why Jagger would throw all those marbles into his gob before practising his double negatives; recently de-classified files also reveal that the former wanted the lyrics changed to:

I cannot obtain any satisfaction, and have yet to develop a relationship with a young woman of action. Indeed I have attempted, repeatedly. But I cannot obtain any, I cannot obtain any, I cannot obtain any, satisfaction.

He later went on to write for Barry Manilow.

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[toybulldog]

If only . . . :lol:

[toybulldog]

Obsequious

[toybulldog]

Shared a house with some characters once. One of them fell out with a lover.

Lover’s idea of revenge was to order food takeaways and have them sent round to our address. No one knew what was behind it at the time, and each night we’d be trying to explain this on the phone to some irate restaurant owner. Nett result was free dinners or we paid half price – if we happened to be hungry. I’ve always had a sneaking respect for doomed romance ever since, especially round mealtimes.

Never beaten up a hamburger though.

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[toybulldog]

Good evening, I’m from Essex
in case you couldn’t tell
my given name is Dickie,
I come from Billericay
and I’m doing very well

Had a love affair with Nina
in the back of my cortina
a seasoned up hyena
could not have been more obscener
she took me to the cleaners
and other misdemeanours
but I got right up between her
rum and her ribena

Well, you ask Joyce and Vicki
if candy-floss is sticky
I’m not a bleedin’ ficky
I’m Billericay Dickie
and I’m doing very well

I bought a lot of brandy
when I was courting Sandy
took eight to make her randy
and all I had was shandy
another thing with Sandy
what often came in handy
was passing her a ‘mandy’
she didn’t half go bandy

So you ask Joyce and Vicki
if I ever took the mickey
I’m not a flipping thicky
I’m Billericay Dickie
and I’m doing very well

I’d rondez-vouz with Janet
quite near the Isle of Thanet
she looked more like a gannet
she wasn’t half a prannet
her mother tried to ban it
her father helped me plan it
and when I captured Janet
she bruised her pomegranate

So you ask Joyce and Vicki
if I ever shaped up tricky
I’m not a blooming thicky
I’m Billericay Dickie
and I’m doing very well

You should never hold a candle
If you don’t know where it’s been
the jackpot is in the handle
on a normal fruit machine

So you ask Joyce and Vicki
who’s their blinkin’ brickie
I’m not a common ficky
I’m Billericay Dickie
and I’m doing very well

I know a lovely old toe-rag
obliging and noblesse
kindly, charming shag
from Shoeburyness

My given name is Dickie
I come from Billericay
I thought you’d never guess

So you ask Joyce and Vicki
a pair of squeaky chickies
I’m not a flamin’ ficky
I’m Billericay Dickie
and I’m doing very well

Oh golly, oh gosh come
and lie on the couch
with a nice bit of posh
from Burnham-on-Crouch

My given name is Dickie,
I come from Billericay
and I ain’t a slouch

So you ask Joyce and Vicki
about Billericay Dickie
I ain’t an effin’ ficky
you ask Joyce and Vicki
and I’m doing very well.

[toybulldog]

@forumhostpb wrote:

Incidentally, it appears that the ‘Bulgarian’ bloke was none other than Giorgi Dochev.

Blimey, not that Giorgi Dochev again.

@wakeupdeadisgodlike wrote:

you honestly believe the family lawyer would come out with anything other than what he has? He’s hardly goin to say he died drug fueled and trying to nosh himself off while his husband is getting bummed off some Bulgarian is he…

Nope. I would definitely have noticed that.

@forumhostpb wrote:

Incidentally, I now see that the less sensationalist press have reported that he died from “natural causes” and added that this was due to a build up of fluid on the lungs

I find that hard to swallow.
May I point out that Bulgarians have a reputation for spiking umbrellas, both the real variety and the little ones they put in cocktails.

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[toybulldog]

Happy One Boo

x
x

[toybulldog]

Great film-maker but a flawed human being surrounded by deep tragedy.

Weren’t both Sharon Tate and Natassia Kinski only 15 when he started relationships with them ?

[Author]

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