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Posts
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Welcome to the thread, boy(s) and girls! Enjoy the ride!
Women. Give them a pool table and they’ll hit fùck all, but give them a car and they’ll hit everything!There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note from my girl, “Don’t eat me.”
Now there’s an empty plate and a note, “Don’t tell me what to do.”I think my wife has gone mental.
I asked her what she was reading, but she just ignored me and said, “Hello Magazine.”I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider.
@andymcnabb wrote:
I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider.
I am not scared of spiders … but I do fear waxing
Clearly this thread (and an excellent one!) has already been won by the women .. but who thinks the men will ever admit defeat? … quite x
Invites all the ladies to withdraw and watch the men battle on ‘getting in the last word’
:)
@simplysu wrote:
@andymcnabb wrote:
I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider.
I am not scared of spiders … but I do fear waxing
Clearly this thread (and an excellent one!) has already been won by the women .. but who thinks the men will ever admit defeat? … quite x
Invites all the ladies to withdraw and watch the men battle on ‘getting in the last word’
:)
Well said Su :lol:
Just for the record only this Sunday I beat a regular pool player twice (sorry Neil I wasn’t gloating, it came up in topic honest!) and in 29 yrs of driving I have only had one accident. It was foggy and the car just magicly appeared from nowhere I swear :lol:
Wonder how many blokes will top that by saying no accidents in 50 yrs blah blah blah :lol:
Im not that old………….. Sorry.
@simplysu wrote:
Invites all the ladies to withdraw and watch the men battle on ‘getting in the last word’
:)
Or, in other words, “We’re retreating.” Which is fine, but could you get us a beer, while you’re away?
:twisted: :lol: 8)
u know what my darling button i was gonna let u lose this battle with a quiet dignity but if u wanna lose still fighting and gasping for air so be it.
best reply wen a guy asks for a date sorry i dont date outside my own species
Women are crazy. Men are stupid. The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid
Names
If Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara.If John, Brad, Tony and Daniel go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.
Eating Out
When the bill arrives, John, Brad, Tony and Daniel will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $34.25. None of them will have any smaller bills and none will admit they want change back.just admit we are the superior sex and surrender my sweet x x x
A Perfect Day
Her Perfect Day…
0815 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
0830 Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday.
0845 Breakfast in bed – freshly squeezed orange juice and
0915 Soothing hot bath with frangipani oil.
1000 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.
1030 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry. 1200 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe.
1245 Catch sight of husband/boyfriend’s ex and notice she has gained 7kg
1300 Shopping with friends – unlimited credit.
1500 Nap.
1600 3 dozen roses delivered by florist, card from a secret admirer.
1615 Light workout at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.
1730 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror.
1930 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing with compliments received from other diners/guests.
2200 Hot shower (alone).
2240 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
2315 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.
His Perfect Day…
0600 Alarm.
0615 Blow job.
0630 Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section.
0700 Breakfast – rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked, buxom wench.
0730 Limo arrives.
0745 Several whiskeys en-route to airport.
0815 Flight in personal Lear jet.
0930 Limo to St. Andrews (blow job en-route).
0945 Play front nine (2 under).
1145 Lunch – pie, chips and gravy. 3 lagers & bottle of Dom Perignon.
1215 Blow job
1230 Play back nine (4 under).
1415 Limo back to airport (several whiskeys).
1430 Fly to Monte Carlo.
1600 Late afternoon fishing with female crew (all nude).
1630 Land world record Marlin (1245lbs) – on light tackle.
1700 Fly home – massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson.
1845 Shit, shower and shave.
1900 Watch news – Michael Jackson murdered, marijuana and porn legalized.
1930 Dinner – lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon
1953, big juicy fillet steak, followed by ice cream served on a pair of tits.
2100 Napoleon brandy and Cuban cigar in front of wall sized TV as you watch the superbowl.
2130 Sex with 3 women (all with lesbian tendencies).
2300 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and cleansing ale.
2330 Final blow job.
2345 In bed alone.
2350 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room.
2351 Laugh self to sleep
This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries but, now we know.
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race…you’re a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework…you’re a pansy.
If you work too hard…there’s never any time for her.
If you don’t work enough…you’re a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay…this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay…..you should get off your lazy – ass and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her…..that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you……it’s equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks……it’s sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet……….it’s male indifference.
If you cry…………you’re a wimp.
If you don’t……..you’re an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her………you’re a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you……she’s a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy……. that’s domination.
If SHE asks you………it’s a favor.
If you appreciate the female form, and frilly underwear……you’re a pervert.
If you don’t…………..you’re gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you’re sexist.
If you don’t……………..you’re unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape…………….you’re vain.
If you don’t…………….you’re a slob.
If you buy her flowers………….you’ve did something or want something.
If you don’t………………..you’re not thoughtful.
If you’re proud of your achievements……..you’re full of yourself.
If you don’t………………..you’re not ambitious.
If she has a headache…………she’s tired.
If you have a headache………….you don’t love her anymore.
If you want it too often………you’re oversexed.
If you don’t…………….there must be someone else.
So you ask, ‘Why do men die first?’
Men try so hard for so long to be the perfect mate that they finally just give up.
Why dogs are better than women
1. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is pretty, other dogs don’t hate it.
4. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
5. A dog’s disposition stays the same all month long.
6. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
7. A dog’s parents never visit.
8. Dogs do not hate their bodies.
9. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
10. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.
11. Dogs seldom outlive you.
12. Dogs can’t talk.
13. Dogs enjoy petting in public.
14. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24-hours a day.
15. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.
16. Dogs like to go hunting.
17. Another man will seldom steal your dog.
18. If you bring another dog home, your dog will happily play with both of you.
19. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died would you get another dog?”
20. If you pretend to be blind, your dog can stay in your hotel room for free.
21. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
22. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
23. A dog won’t hold out on you to get a new car.
24. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad, they just think it’s interesting.
25. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.
26. Dogs don’t let magazine articles guide their lives.
27. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
28. Dogs are not allowed in Debenhams or Harvey Nicols.
29. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.
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