made me giggle

:lol:
>>
>> A blonde goes to the Post Office and says, “I just have to get an
>> urgent
> message to my mother in America.” The clerk says it will be £100, and
> she replies “But I don’t have any money…. and I must get a message
> to her, it’s urgent!… I’ll do anything to get a message to her.”
The
> clerk replies “Anything?”. “Yes…. ANYTHING!” replies the blonde. He
> leads her back to his office and closes the door. He tells her to
> kneel in front of him.
>> “Unzip me…” She does. “Take it out….. go ahead.” She does this
as
> well.
>> She looks up at him, his member in her hands and he says “Well… go
> ahead… do it…” She brings her lips close to it and shouts
> “Hello?…
>> Mum?”
>>
>>
>>
>>

---

>>

---

>

---

>> An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.
“How
>> many
> children?” Asks the council worker
>>
>> “10” replies the Essex girl
>>
>> “10???” says the council worker.. “What are their names?”
>>
>> “Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and
>> Wayne”
>>
>> Doesn’t that get confusing?”
>>
>> “Naah…” says the Essex girl “its great because if they are out
>> playing
> in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER’S READY or
> WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it…”
>>
>> “What if you want to speak to one individually?” says the perturbed
> council worker.
>>
>> “That’s easy,” says the girl… “I just use their surnames”
>>
>> =======================
>>
>> An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a
garment
>> on
> the counter “I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress.”
she
> says.
>>
>> “Come again?” says the clerk, cupping his ear.
>>
>> “No” she replies. “This time it’s mayonnaise.”
>>
>> ==========================
>>
>> Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
>>
>> The man says “Choose from our range on the wall.”
>>
>> She says “I’ll take the red one.”
>>
>> The man replies “That’s a fire extinguisher.”
>>
>> ========================
>>
>> An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and
> bleeding.
>>
>> The paramedics soon arrive on site.
>>
>> Medic: “It’s OK I’m a paramedic and I’m going to ask you some
>> questions. OK?”
>>
>> Girl: “OK”
>>
>> Medic: “What’s your name?”
>>
>> Girl: “Sharon.”
>>
>> Medic: “OK Sharon, is this your car?”
>>
>> Sharon: “Yes.”
>>
>> Medic: “Where are you bleeding from?”
>>
>> Sharon: “I’m from bleeding Romford, mate.”
>>
>> =========================
>>
>> An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It
>> was
>> her
> boyfriend, urgently warning her, “Treacle, I just heard on the news
> that there’s a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be
careful!”
>>
>> “It’s not just one car!” said the Essex girl, “There’s hundreds of
>> them!”
>>
>> =========================
>>
>> Another Essex girl is involved in a serious crash there’s blood
> everywhere.
>>
>> The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she’s
>> lying
> flat out on the floor.
>>
>> Medic: “OK, I’m going to check if you’re concussed.”
>>
>> Girl: “Ok.”
>>
>> Medic: “Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?”
>>
>> Girl: “Oh my god I’m paralysed from the waist down!”
>>
>> ==========================
>>
>> Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex girl notices
> something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing. She
> says, “Scuse me mate, I aint being funny or nuffink, but why doz one
> of your wellies ‘ave an L on it and the uva one’s got an R on it ?
>>
>> So the Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and
replies,
> “Well,oim a little bit tick you see. The one with the R on it is for
> me roight foot and the one with the L is for me left foot”
>>
>> “Cor blimey, exclaims the Essex girl, “So THATS why me knickers ‘ave
>> got
> C&A on them.