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Posts
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WHAT DO YOU CALL CHEESE THAT ISNT YOURS?
NACHO CHEESE!
Groans ! Sorry lol someone sent me this one !
:shock:
statiscally 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy
i was driving this morning this morning and i saw a rac van parked up,the driver was crying uncontrollably,and looked very sad,i thought to myself that guys heading for a breakdown
i told my local barmaid if she didnt have sex with me i would tell husband about her affair
i had her over a barrel
ka ching.
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”
The dog replied, “But that would make no sense at all.”
:!:
a man walks into a bar,with a pig under his arm.
the barman says,”thats the ugliest animal ive ever seen. where did you find it?”
“i won it in a raffle,” says the pig.what has 4 legs and an arm?
a happy pitbull!!!For rogue….
A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac.
The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won’t see him. The barman looks down at him and says, “What’s the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You’ve got six lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac?
The motorway replies, “You don’t know him like I do. He’s a cyclepath.”
:shock: :lol:
A construction worker walks into a bar. He’s a rather large, menacing guy. He orders a beer, chugs it back, and bellows, “All you guys on this side of the bar are a bunch of idiots!” A sudden silence descends.
After a moment he asks “Anyone got a problem with that?” The silence lengthens.
He then chugs back another beer and growls, “And all you guys on the other side of the bar are all scum!” Once again, the bar is silent.
He looks around belligerently and roars, “Anyone got a problem with that?” A lone man gets up from his stool unsteadily and starts to walk towards the man.
“You got a problem, buddy?”
“Oh no; I’m just on the wrong side of the bar.”
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled , “PULL OVER!”
“NO!” the blonde yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!”Myra was the church gossip. Though many disliked this, they feared her enough to keep silent.
But she made a mistake when she accused Bob of being a drunk after she saw his truck parked in front of the town’s bar, saying, “Anyone seeing it knows what you were doing.”
Bob stared at her for a moment and walked away. He didn’t explain, defend or deny. he said nothing.
But that evening, Bob parked his pickup in front of Myra’s house and left it There all night.Should you be Institutionalized?
It doesn’t hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub. Then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”
“No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug.”“Do you want a room with or without a view?”
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