"Stalking the Moores in a Dirty Mac " chapter 2

Chapter 2

Jokecliff was finishing his packing, tomorrow he was on a mission…

” wigs, peek-a-boo bra, fishnets….hmmm, what other essentials should i pack for my trip to Bolton…
think I’ll take my lucky Teddy,even tho is is a bit tight these days…”

Jokecliff went back to his computer and googled ‘Jays Gym’, then printed off a map. He was ready,
he gave a little chuckle and passed some wind.
“Sorry mummy, it’s Mewwys fault, him and his recipes….”

Jokecliff peeled off his crusty clothes and put his nightshirt on then went and made his cocoa,
he shook the bed bugs out of his cheesy smelling sleeping bag, and settled down, smiling in anticipation
of his trip tomorrow.

He was just relaxing with his favourite book ” Withering Tights” when out of the blue
his mobile rang.
Jokecliff was so shocked that he accidently urinated a bit.
“‘Ello..?” he grunted. All he could hear was giggling.
” ello? who is this ? “he asked, whilst dabbing at his wee stain with a tea towel.

” Its me claire ” More mad giggling…

” ‘ow did you get me numberrrr…”

” awww whats up? You know I adoreeee youuu, Im dancing nakid with a blow up sheep and a daffodil up me bum”

Jokecliff hung up. Something was not right !

He threw his wig at the wall where it stuck.

Furiously he stomped to the PC and logged into Jc as ” Buxom Vera”, one of his many alias’s.

They were there.

Laughing !! Laughing at him !!

He howled in rage and 3 dogs joined in.

The phone rang again,
then again,
then again,
He grabbed the phone and yelled into it ” vvanker ! vvanker ! vvanker !” and hung up,
” that will teach them ” he thought,
however,on the other end of the phone his elderly Aunty Audrey, In Skegness was a bit shocked !!

” The BBC think they have one up on me, Blonde, Born and Claire would pay for this ….. I’ll show them,
No one messes with Jokecliff, No one !! “

Jokecliff paced his hovel, kicking white dog poo at the wall but hitting Mummy in the rocking chair instead,
there was a clattering as bones hit the dirt floor.

” ohhh look what they made me dooooo ” he wailed.

Jokecliff knelt and stacked mummy back up in a fashion. He wasnt sure everything was in the right place, but it would have to do.

Jokecliff woke early, he put his crusty clothes back on and the brunette wig..
he opened a tin of sardines and placed them on Mummys lap,
at least he thought it was her lap, he ignored the toes.

Putting on his wellies and ramming his flat cap over his wig, he tossed his bin bag into Hettie ( his caravanette)
and jumped in.

He pushed his favourite Cliff Richard tape into the player and he was off, in more ways than one !!

To be continued….