THE BONFIRE PARTY

BON FIRE NIGHT FUN

The air was crisp and cold. The fire spat, popped and crackled. The smell of baking potatoes permeated the night air.

The Jc chatters were gathering for a Bonfire Party.

Jokeclciff was’nt sure whether to attend. Since the picture of him looking like Les Dawson’s grandad with a very young ‘working girl’ had become public, his reputation as ‘The Head Honcho’ in F3 had dipped somewhat. Things had’nt been going to well for poor old Joke…. The Farmhouse had been re-possessed, and he and his man friend Up_The_Axante were now squashed into a tiny bedsit in Rotheram, with only a Bunson Burner to cook on and a bucket in the corner for a bathroom. Most of the room was taken up by his various ageing computers. Thick slice had survived ‘photogate’ which infuriated him… He blamed Tracy_queen_of_Orange for the failure of the plan to de_throne Thick as the Oldest swinger in town, ” never send a she-male to do a mans job” he thought. To make things worse, a truce had been called between the Red and Blue warring factions.

Blonde, claire_dont_dare_me ( now known as minnie ), Welche_THe _Grape, Jade_THe_Blade, and BornFree_2_poo were all pals again… this infuriated him,( as it also infuriated Knitting_my_curtains, who had returned from holiday looking like Madge from Benidorm, and declaring that she never goads ppl, unless of course they goad her 1st and even then she doesnt really goad, she merely is stating her opinion, although when others do that its goading, unlike her goading, which isnt goading, its making observations, and only ppl goading are bullies, and shes not a goading bully, she is just goading a bully ………)

not only that, thought The JOke, but Blonde had changed her phone number, so calling her to abuse her was no longer an option and if he phoned Claire_dont_dare_me she just laughed at him like a manic chimp on speed, so that was out of the question too, he had scrolled their names and addresses a few timesin the lobby, but it just wasnt having any impact.

” Axante… bring me my pilots oufit… we are going to the Bonfire party…. I ‘own’ F3.. I will not sit here in the dark missing all the action !! ”

Axante rolled his eye and went to fetch the Old WW2 pilots outfit Joke had shoplifted from the Oxfam shop. Of course it was far 2 small, the trouser legs wafting 8 inches above his gum boots and the crotch was pulled up so high it looked like he had 4 kneecaps, where his old tackle hung down, his gut protruded under the tight jacket and his moobs were bursting out. The overall look was quite disturbing, but in his ‘world’ Joke believed he looked very convincing and dapper.

At the bonfire party, chatters were milling about, eating baked potatoes and waving sparklers.

Very_Impotant_peanut had brought a ‘ boom box ‘ and was singing along to Gloria Gaynor …” i will survive … i will surviveee…. as long as i know i have a neck I know Ill stay aliveeeee…..” He had also borrowed Lonnie_The _wigs spare toupee and was hoping to pull more than a muscle.

Jimmy_Ill_wop_you_bad_style had been advising everyone within earshot on Fire saftety… ” when I was in south philly, training the fire dept, in between being a cop,
and writing 6 novels, building my own rocketship, partying with the mob, sailing round the world single handed in a blow up dingy, being a paramedic, bungee jumping off the Empire
State Building, fathering 32 children, traveling the world, hunting lions on the serengeti, beating up vicious villains in the slammer and being a singing legend … ”

Bellvue swooned. ” oh Jimy you are so clevar u culd of ben a scool techer .. like me !! ”

Superiorshin was donating her opinion, whether asked for or not, on everything from the correct cooking time for an authentic banger to the consistency of Yak sh!t in the himalaya’s,to the amateurish writng style and incorrect grammar in this story…..and ofcourse anyone who didnt agree was’nt worthy of her attention or intellect.

Mariapizzaria was sucking on a Jumbo sized hotdog very seductively….. ” ja I can do this for hours… at home I practice on my rolling pin … ” she cackled and blew a kiss at val Doonican_of_Durham, who twitched violently and passed wind before giving her a shy wave.

One by One the chatters became aware of the aroma of burning fur, V.I.P and Lonnie_the_Wig quickly checked their toupee’s were still in place, and gave sighs of relief…

A honking holla split the air and they turned to see Nice_Pies_female furiously slapping Ugly_asa_Moose’s masshive behind with her hand knitted poncho. Although the crisis
was over Jimmy_I’ll_Wop_you took complete charge and wrestled Moose to the ground and rolled her along the floor, whereupon Nice_pies promptly started hitting him with her
extra large handbag for getting the new pink ear muffs she had bought Moose grubby !!

Blonde was inspecting the ‘Guy’ which was plonked in a wheelbarrow. A dirty jumble of rags, long pointy nose, suddlenly Blonde screamed as the guy hi-coughed.

Claire_dont_dare_me laughed hysterically… ” its alkiarse !!! haha lets throw him on the fire !!!

” No !! yelled Jimmy ” If you chuck alias on the fire it will flambe the lot of us !! ”

” dammit jimmy” mumbled clair ” your no fun”

Just Then Jokecliff and axante rolled up in his almost new, ish, kinda ,, caravanette, which he liked to describe as a winnebago with reversing camera, an extra large mirror duck taped on to the side, to the rest of us.

The Fireworks were about to start …………………….