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sticks and stones, from the very simple amongst us………….
That comment was between myself and best/cosy and if you seriously think that was an insult, you need to get out more. Enough said, Perhaps you need to read, the proceding posts, to where you think, your input is required, because you always seem to be a little behind.
that is the best you have, of course it is, we would never want or expect you to contribute your own very sad, very delusional comments to any particular threads, just add your own little picutes, it goes with your previous comment “where are my crayons”
Do something else, you mean, live in the real world, while you lot preach about how easy it is to get off drugs, or just say no….. While you post on the boards, about having a tough time giving up cigarettes and heading towards alcoholism….. Yep, I will take the real world every time Annette, and any time your ready to join me, then feel free to give up your own IVORY tower and come forward, but lets dont go there………
If Men wrote Cosmo
Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my sister.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don’t mention this aspect of his behavior.Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories a spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and gives a great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior – and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don’t mention this aspect of his behavior.Q: My husband doesn’t know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time. To help with the family budget you may wish to video tape yourself while doing this, and to sell it at flea markets. To ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice expensive present, and cook him a delicious meal.Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not love your man as much as you should – he has to work a lot to get you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying a nice expensive present, and cooking a nice meal.Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don’t mention it again to him and show your love to him by buying a nice expensive present and don’t forget to cook him a delicious meal.Why dogs are better than women
1. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is pretty, other dogs don’t hate it.
4. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
5. A dog’s disposition stays the same all month long.
6. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
7. A dog’s parents never visit.
8. Dogs do not hate their bodies.
9. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
10. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.
11. Dogs seldom outlive you.
12. Dogs can’t talk.
13. Dogs enjoy petting in public.
14. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24-hours a day.
15. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.
16. Dogs like to go hunting.
17. Another man will seldom steal your dog.
18. If you bring another dog home, your dog will happily play with both of you.
19. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died would you get another dog?”
20. If you pretend to be blind, your dog can stay in your hotel room for free.
21. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
22. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
23. A dog won’t hold out on you to get a new car.
24. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad, they just think it’s interesting.
25. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.
26. Dogs don’t let magazine articles guide their lives.
27. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
28. Dogs are not allowed in Debenhams or Harvey Nicols.
29. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.
This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries but, now we know.
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race…you’re a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework…you’re a pansy.
If you work too hard…there’s never any time for her.
If you don’t work enough…you’re a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay…this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay…..you should get off your lazy – ass and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her…..that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you……it’s equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks……it’s sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet……….it’s male indifference.
If you cry…………you’re a wimp.
If you don’t……..you’re an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her………you’re a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you……she’s a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy……. that’s domination.
If SHE asks you………it’s a favor.
If you appreciate the female form, and frilly underwear……you’re a pervert.
If you don’t…………..you’re gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you’re sexist.
If you don’t……………..you’re unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape…………….you’re vain.
If you don’t…………….you’re a slob.
If you buy her flowers………….you’ve did something or want something.
If you don’t………………..you’re not thoughtful.
If you’re proud of your achievements……..you’re full of yourself.
If you don’t………………..you’re not ambitious.
If she has a headache…………she’s tired.
If you have a headache………….you don’t love her anymore.
If you want it too often………you’re oversexed.
If you don’t…………….there must be someone else.
So you ask, ‘Why do men die first?’
Men try so hard for so long to be the perfect mate that they finally just give up.
A Perfect Day
Her Perfect Day…
0815 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
0830 Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday.
0845 Breakfast in bed – freshly squeezed orange juice and
0915 Soothing hot bath with frangipani oil.
1000 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.
1030 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry. 1200 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe.
1245 Catch sight of husband/boyfriend’s ex and notice she has gained 7kg
1300 Shopping with friends – unlimited credit.
1500 Nap.
1600 3 dozen roses delivered by florist, card from a secret admirer.
1615 Light workout at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.
1730 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror.
1930 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing with compliments received from other diners/guests.
2200 Hot shower (alone).
2240 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
2315 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.
His Perfect Day…
0600 Alarm.
0615 Blow job.
0630 Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section.
0700 Breakfast – rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked, buxom wench.
0730 Limo arrives.
0745 Several whiskeys en-route to airport.
0815 Flight in personal Lear jet.
0930 Limo to St. Andrews (blow job en-route).
0945 Play front nine (2 under).
1145 Lunch – pie, chips and gravy. 3 lagers & bottle of Dom Perignon.
1215 Blow job
1230 Play back nine (4 under).
1415 Limo back to airport (several whiskeys).
1430 Fly to Monte Carlo.
1600 Late afternoon fishing with female crew (all nude).
1630 Land world record Marlin (1245lbs) – on light tackle.
1700 Fly home – massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson.
1845 Shit, shower and shave.
1900 Watch news – Michael Jackson murdered, marijuana and porn legalized.
1930 Dinner – lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon
1953, big juicy fillet steak, followed by ice cream served on a pair of tits.
2100 Napoleon brandy and Cuban cigar in front of wall sized TV as you watch the superbowl.
2130 Sex with 3 women (all with lesbian tendencies).
2300 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and cleansing ale.
2330 Final blow job.
2345 In bed alone.
2350 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room.
2351 Laugh self to sleep
eyed, th French ho………………..
im assuming you mean ANC, it goes with giving up smoking, if you had not noticed, either that or being proved an absolute hypocrite, not sure which…. MWah Mwah, i think is the technical term.
