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**please note**
The above post has been added purely for entertainment purposes. Absolutely no offence is intended to the author and no animals were harmed in the making of this nonsense.
Dear John
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr Right.
As you are aware, the competition criteria was exceedingly difficult and many well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut.
In order that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavours, please allow me to offer the following feedback.
→ Your last name is objectionable. I can’t imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting children to it.
→ Your first name is objectionable. It’s just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
→ The fact that our dining experiences, to-date, has left my wallet a little lighter and your pants a little tighter.
→ Your constant calls/ text messaging/ e-mailing indicates that you have too much time on your hands.
→ Your legs are skinnier than mine.
→ The phrase “My Mother” has popped up far too often in conversation and I strongly suspect, at the ripe ol’ age of 36, you are still in fact dwelling with your parents.
→ Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long-term partner.
→ Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, you may re-submit your application.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your interest in the position.
Yours sincerely
Helter skelter in a summer swelter
The birds flew off with a fallout shelter
Eight miles high and falling fast
Landed foul on the grass
The players tried for a forward pass
With the jester on the side lines in a cast
Now the half-time air was sweet perfume
While sergeants played a marching tune
We all got up to dance
Oh, but we never got the chance
Cause the players tried to take the field
The marching band refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the music diedI am sure that they luv you really Bloss and I have to agree with cheeky Cherrie, boards would not be the same without you :P
Dangerously low on the medication (!) I shall be clearer in future for you Blossom :D
The sun, the sun, the sun… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUA5NfpBPtE&feature=related
Have you perused your profile settings? I think it’s in there.
A bird was flying south for the winter but he had left it too late and was frozen solid in a storm. He dropped down into a pasture of cows. The biggest, fattest cow was doing a crap there and the bird landed in it.
At first he was disgusted, until he realised that his surroundings was thawing him out. He started crying out for joy as the ice melted. A cat that was nearby heard the cries, walked over, found the bird and ate it
There are three morals to this story:
1. Not everyone who gets you into sh!t is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend.
3. If you are in sh!t, keep your mouth shut.
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife;
“Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. Don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong sweetness. I love you!”
To which his wife responds; “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he is gay, thinks you are cute and asked me if we have any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong sweetness. I love you too!!”
Just thought I would check.. Hellloo :D
