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….. and may you get yours this Christmas as well :wink: ( :lol: :lol: :lol: )

Well I can’t deny that I was tempted … in fact very tempted indeed. But it is Christmas and this was meant to be a practical joke that you could play on others rather than an attempt to stuff up your own computer.

Anyway …… do let everybody know what inventive substitutions you have made (or could make) misusing ‘AutoCorrect’.

Well Langstraat, because it is you and because it is Christmas and because I am feeling charitable………… !

Go into Tools, and then Autocorrect options as before. In the Autocorrect options box that opens, scroll down the list of entries that Microsoft Word will automatically correct until…[Read more]

Mmmmm can I go 6th please???? (you can figure out why !!!)

Yeah .. I think I did. But it’s a helluva great wheeze to try out in the office. Just imagine the MD’s secretary typing out ”Mr ******* would like to wish all the staff a Happy Christmas and ….” and so on.

Doesn’t bear thinking about does it?

Awww sorry about that Kenty – it’s just my normal accent. BTW nice to see a post from you after what seems like simply ages.

Well could you re-import that dreadful old slapper ‘Kylie’ ‘cos we’ve all had her now.

PS: How was the recipe for Wombat casserole ???

You lot are truly awful. Here I am attempting to send you all into orbit on this one – and have been for a couple of days now, and you refuse to bite.

Yup Cath I think that you are well in line for this…[Read more]

@PATS wrote:

just a thought…..but..the ones murdered werent doing it to feed their kids…cos they were all in care anyway.or being raised by grandparents.

This is very true PATS, although they apparently had an assortment of children from an equally wide assortment of fathers, the Social Services were looking after them all whilst the mothers…[Read more]

Well here is a special Christmas message for you all – recorded in my office (as you can see from the background).

http://www.careerbuilder.com/monk-e-mail/?mid=17433139

But would they really???

They’d have arrived late because they had ”nothing to wear” and had to go to the shops to buy a new dress and then spent hours doing their make-up and washing their hair.
They would have got totally lost from trying to read the map upside down.
They’d have asked directions from this dishy…[Read more]

Gosh Sharon, now there’s a coincidence. I also spend a lot of my free time rescuing parrots. Most of them are called ”Polly” but I have resucued one recently called ” Jemima” (or was that a duck?).

Once rescued, I pass them on to members of the gay community, with whom they are an instant success. A ‘must have’ accessory as it were. They…[Read more]

To Sharon and Cath: I think that you might have misunderstood the thrust of my point (as it were).

Yes it was very sad that these five – or maybe even more that have yet to be uncovered – were killed in such a short period of time. However, prostitutes are beaten up and sometimes killed more often than most of us realise. This isn’t to say that…[Read more]

@sunny wrote:

Why are the women bad ok they charge for the sevise unlike the lil sluts that go out every friday and sat get pi ssed shag any thing that comes on to them

No one should be murderd for sleeping with men who go looking to get a quick thrill because theer wifes are to boring or dead from the waste down

If that was the case town on a…

[Read more]

This is terribly one-sided. Would you like me to add some more options?? If so ….. suggestions please.

Think of it this way TM – prostitutes are essentially honest people. They offer a (sexual) service for money … you pay them the agreed amount …. you do your thing … and both parties go their separate ways satisfied.

The dishonest ones are in fact the ‘amateurs’. They spoil it for the ‘professionals’. You take an ‘amateur’ out for the…[Read more]

Who ??

@PATS wrote:

mebbe lil gizmo refused to get her teeth fixed………………………. O:)

They were her own ????? Blimey !!!

…. and if God had wanted us to be vegans, he wouldn’t have given us the strength to kill and eat little puppy dogs.

@Woman wrote:

I am sorry but this too me is not funny this is so disgusting I do not see how you all can even think that this was funny I do not see any humour in it what so ever. [-X [-X

Now there you go again ‘Woman’ … not understanding the English sense of humour. Let me explain it for you.

You see this semen in the salad dressing thing is…[Read more]