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@jen_jen wrote:
The Global Facts … At Any Given Moment:
FACT: 79,000,000 people are engaged in sex right now. (Together?) F u c k me.. Oops, maybe’s it’s those words, that are getting that many engaging in it.. :lol:
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing. (Wishing they were f u c k ing).. :lol:FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
(Wishing they had just kis sed).. :lol:FACT: 1 old timer is reading JC’s joke page…. (F u c k, that’s me).. :lol:
You hang in there sunshine………
Ermmm.. Think i should go! :shock:
@jen_jen wrote:
A far more accurate account in the Bears’ house of the events on that fateful morning…
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. ‘Who’s been eating my porridge?’ he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. ‘Who’s been eating my porridge?!?’ he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells,
‘For God’s sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.
‘It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat’s litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.
‘And now that you’ve decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I’m only going to say this once….
‘I HAVEN’T MADE THE DAMN PORRIDGE YET!’
LOL – Sounds like, it’s time of the month for Mummy Bear! :shock:
@forumhostpb wrote:
@woohoo wrote:
What she said lol.. We plan on taking over the world.. Wherever you go, WALES will be THERE…………… if they can find their way across the Severn bridge :lol: :lol:
I know, it’s mad, i was running across it the other day, couldn’t see where i was going, too many cars getting in my way.. Nearly got hit twice.. :lol: Mind you, i was streaking!
We own that bridge by the way, and WE want it back! :lol:
@jen_jen wrote:
@forumhostpb wrote:
Bloody Welsh get everywhere eh?We do indeed :D/
What she said lol.. We plan on taking over the world.. Wherever you go, WALES will be THERE..
How about we name that little thing Pete.. After it’s founder. :lol:
These are the selected few that made me laugh! Idiots!! :lol:
“It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home.” (Poor you, ffs,).. :lol:My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.” (Dread to think of the day they explain that to the child).. :shock:
“I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends’ three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller.” (No sh it Sherlock).. :roll:
The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the accommodation’. We’re trainee hairdressers – will we be OK staying here?” (Obviously blonde, and from Essex).. :P
There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners.” (What,.. In Spain?.. Well Done).. =D>
On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food at all.” (You’ll be telling me next they serve Pizza in Rome)..
We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels.” (Derrrrrrr)… :lol:
Making some people laugh by claiming that it was in fact Keith Allen in the carvery, when it weren’t! :oops:
Sitting down to chill.. 8)
Happy Mothers day to all the Hard-Working good mums out there! 8)
And Trina.. Loves ya. xx
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, “What are you doing?”
She answers, “I’m moving to Scotland. I heard prostitutes there get paid £400 for doing what I do for you for free.”Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he’s going, he replies,
“I’m coming, too. I want to see how you live on £800 a year!” :lol:
