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Tbh Kenty I had finished posting on this thread last night.
Had you not posted, it would have been over and done with.
Anyone who has been in a long term abusive relationship with an emotionally manipulative partner, a friend, or even a work colleague, will understand the long term emotional toll. The worst ones, the crafty sly one, are the “nice” guys, who for all intents and purposes to the “outside” world are the “innocent” victim. Who behind closed doors (when no one else is watching) play their abusive little games and who in public plead innocence, have tea with the local vicar and donate to the local homeless charity. I would imagine it is no different online is it…
Tbh Kenty I had finished posting on this thread last night.
Had you not posted, it would have been over and done with.
as far as I was aware the thread was current……Blossom…..seems to me when someone says something that hits home you finally stop ….otherwise you’re like a dog with a bone
Gerry mentioned something………people can be easily groomed…online and offline…..it happened to my friend in real life….long story it’s fucked with her head 3 years later she struggles….
the victim is usually the one who cannot see the abuse as such and makes all sorts of excuses to continue contact
you really need to leave to heal xx
I think deep down you either know or don’t know…we usually have a gut feeling…..resemblances are no big deal and are not such a coincidence there is only one answer…..not sure what you want here….do you need Alfie to admit he was Millwall? What difference will that make?….its between you 2…not anyone else here….so it should be a private matter And I’ve read over and over again you want no contact with Alfie but still you will ask him about posting pictures…..instead of questioning who Alfie is….question yourself why anything to do with this man affects your life and is such a big deal you cannot let him go
I’ve decided to give you a longer answer to this.
Lets say that Millwall is Alfie.
Milwall tells me about his life.
One thing was very sad, it could have easily influenced the way he and/or Alfie lead their lives subsequently due to this.
If someone told you something pretty sad about their life, wouldnt you feel for said person after months of chatting to them or am I just too sensitive?
There was a pattern in his story which brought me to think that Alfie was him…although some of the things Millwall told me about himself had nothing to do with Alfie as far as I know.
Lets come to Alfie.
Alfie seems to be a rather private person.
Would Alfie admit what Millwall told me?
I think not.
Which brings me to the following.
I have always criticised Alfie for the way he lived his life (with me being a decent woman, I could do nothing but criticise him, as I have morals).
I saw no logical reason for the way he lived his life, if not that it could have been a consequence of what happened to MIllwall as a youngster.
He didn’t like the fact I criticised him heavily, but then again, I knew only half his story apparently, I could do nothing but that.
There is another fact that Alfie didnt tell me about.
He mentioned this fact in main room (perhaps after a yr or even more) after I had criticised him about something regarding himself.
Again I had to add 2+2 together in order to understand his behaviour.
Thinking of it in the aftermath, what I said to him could have hurt him, but how was I to know at the time, not knowing the facts, that’s all I could do.
You see Kenty, all the drama with Alfie was caused by half truths/stories.
But at the end of the day, I was the one who suffered, for telling the truth..and nothing but the truth, with him implying I lied about my life and pretended that my mother had died, just because he didnt have the courage himself to tell me the whole truth about his own life?
You either want to build a friendship with someone or you don’t.
You’re either 100% honest or you’re not.
You can’t build friendships based on half truths/stories – sooner or later you’re outed if you chat to a person over the yrs.
If he didnt have the courage to tell me everything from one name, then perhaps he should have avoided telling me anything at all in the first place, instead of telling me pieces of his life from 2 diff ids (presuming he was Millwall) and messing with my head over the yrs, as I was trying to put the pieces of this puzzle together.
I am sure there are others better qualified than me to comment, with professional experience of these issues, however my crude interpretation would be that someone exposed to long term damaging emotional abuse, enters a state of hyper vigilance, on edge all the time and overtly paranoid that everyone else is out to get them and as such, in complete and total denial. Sometimes I guess it is understandably harder accepting reality and the harsh brutal truth and then dealing with it as best you can and moving on, as much as the circumstances allow. But for the grace of god there goes all of us.
I have no absolutely idea if there is an internet associated disorder similar to say PTSD, but if there isn’t, there should be. There has been a few interesting experiments on this subject, subjects exposed to the “stick” over extended periods of time, would then quite often choose that “stick” over the carrot which eventually was also offered in tandem. Ultimately it is about personal decisions and unfortunately those of us without the tools to do so, often as a direct consequence of abuse, often make poor ones.
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Whoe the ‘ell is Millwall ?
Another odd thing to all this story is the fact that Alfie admits to there being a MIllwall, but all he refers to him as ‘your friend Millwall’ ..or ‘Badra’s friend Milwall’.
He seems to know him as well as I do if not better, if Alfie isnt Millwall, why doesn he expose this Millwall for who he really is ?
you really need to leave to heal xxThe past couple of yrs have been bad, but I’m finally healing.Thank You.1 member liked this post.
Blossom not everyone’s the same……if Alfie was Millwall for whatever reason then so be it……what you feel a friend should be maybe Alfie’s criteria isn’t so strict……we are all different…..your understanding of situations are not morally higher than anyone else’s no matter how much you say you’re a good woman…….you have more or less accused everyone in JC of being fakes liars and having no morals……when no offence you are the one suffering here…not me or most other chatters
i understand you’re hurt……you invested in the friendship with no return……if someone can’t give you want you want or expect it’s easy to walk out on that
and remember not everyone pours their heart out to friends
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