[Melody]

Er I have nothing to do with Pete’s sack thank you very much!

[Melody]

Hope everyone has a wonderous christmas, and an extra special 2011!

If a grey old man with a beard grabs you from behind and stuffs you into a sack, don’t be alarmed, it’s just Santa looking for his Ho’s. I am already in the sack so bring some booze x

[Melody]

@cosy.m wrote:

at one time at nativity plays,you could take your vidcam,to record your kids for memories etc
but there banned now cos of the random pedos who pop in grrrr

Schools also got wise to cashing in on this and making a DVD and selling them instead!

[Melody]

@tatler wrote:

Well Andrew i enjoyed reading it ..

Insignificant as we are I doubt he cares about our opinion anyway Tatler :lol:

[Melody]

Last year a little boy chundered all over the stage in the middle of my nephews production lol NICE

[Melody]

Anything without a pulse would be just WRONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

[Melody]

@jason57 wrote:

Its the only day I dont work so i lie there next to my very desirable but frigid wife and just feel so frustrated, angry, hurt and alone.Is this normal? How can she love me if she hates every physical contact> I’m going crazy trying to work her out and slowly just giving up..

the answer to this lies in the above paragraph…

‘It’s the only day I don’t work’

so therefore it’s her day of rest…. from shagging ya bessie mate or neighbour perhaps lol

EEk my sordid way of thinking.

If this is genuine though… maybe you need to talk to her instead of us. :D

[Melody]

Dear Santa,

I am full of good intentions… does that count?

Love

Melody..

P.S Please make sure my fiance doesn’t buy me an electric toothbrush like he did for my birthday lol.

[Melody]

Humans are the only animals to poop in their own nest.

But back to the Sharks..

I think as long as you are in the water with them… ie diving, then you are safe… it’s when you are floating along on the top of the water looking like a seal or an injured fish that you seem like a meal to the shark.
They say 99% of shark attacks on humans are a case of mistaken identity.
If you swim in the sea you, you are entering an unknown territory. There are alsorts in the oceans yet to even be discovered.

I feel sorry for the old dear who had her leg chomped off and died as she was in a cordoned off area 20 yds from the shore… but it’s survival of the fitest and obviously the shark was fitter on this occasion. What a way to go though.. eww.

[Melody]

Just so you know..

If you have cats you should actively encourage loads of birds into your garden… I know it sounds silly, but when there is alot of garden birds they watch each other’s back… lots more eyes on the look out. I learnt this on autumnwatch or somewhere like that. I have 3 cats and when I got the cats I took my bird table out of the garden. I am not thinking that maybe I shouldn’t have!

[Author]

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